As Ronald Tramp, the absolutely radiant and totally stable Genius of Elmburg, I really have to wonder about all these USA telenovelas. I mean, I always thought reality TV was Trump's thing, but now it looks like he's turning the whole country into a season of "Who's the Real President?".

First of all, Donald, my almost namesake. Criminal conspiracy? Seriously? This is so 2020, we've stopped being so dramatic about politics here in Elmburg. Now it's all beauty pageants and popularity contests. Much simpler.

And Mark Meadows? The drama! The guy sweats more than I do when I'm told we're out of orange juice in Elmburg! He wants to transfer to a federal court? What does he expect? An upgrade to a luxury witness stand with VIP service?

Oh, and the constant back and forth with "I was acting within the scope of my office". It reminds me of my nephew's excuse when he comes home and says "I was at the library" when we all know he was at the candy shop.

Those phone conversations are so delicious too. Couldn't he have just texted? "Hey, do you have some extra voices for me?" So much more discreet. But no, the Republicans do everything so.... theatrical.

The best part is that Meadows didn't even involve the Justice Department. Probably because he thought they would read his text messages! Or maybe he was just too busy with his White House karaoke sessions.

Honestly, I'm sitting here in Elmburg sipping my drink and enjoying the show. Donald, my friend, if you need a break from this drama, come to Elmburg. We could host Elmburg's Got Talent reality show together. And Mark, you could be the first contestant!