Let me tell you about an extraordinary man, a man of immense wealth, impressive intelligence and a hairstyle that defies gravity. Yes, you guessed it - I'm talking about myself, Ronald Tramp.

Even as a baby, I sucked gold bars instead of dummies and my first word was not "mummy" or "daddy", but "business". Even at a young age I ran my own company, Ronald's Super-Duper Megalodon Enterprises. What did we make? Well, nothing concrete really. But we had an impressive logo that was a combination of a lion, an eagle and a reindeer - the perfect fusion of strength, freedom and Christmas spirit.

I quickly climbed the corporate ladder and started companies like Tramp Airlines, the only airline where the plane lands in your own living room. Then there was Tramp Steaks, where we served steak so tender you could eat it with a spoon. I can assure you that there was no one who made better steaks than me - except maybe my great mother, who always knew how to make a perfect steak.

But my greatest achievement was undoubtedly Tramp University. There I taught budding businessmen the art of success. My lectures were legendary and covered topics like "How to become a billionaire in 24 hours" and "How to get people to give you free haircuts". It was an institution so prestigious that even the Nobel Prize in Economics was named after me - but only in my own mind.

When I entered the political arena, people were overwhelmed by my brilliance. My campaign slogan was, of course, "Make Tramp Great Again", because everyone knows that I am the definition of "great". With my charismatic personality and my ability to shut people up with just a look, I was soon elected President of the United States.

As president, of course, I made big promises. The wall on the  border? Built and decorated with gold bricks, of course. I even introduced the concept of "Alternative Facts", because who needs boring facts when you can create your own reality?

During my presidency, the world reached an unprecedented level of tramp mania. People dressed like me, wore wigs that resembled my hair style, and there was even a bank holiday called "Tramp Day" when people played golf and posted nonsensical tweets.

But of course there were also those who criticised me. They called me a narcissist, a liar and a reality TV star who happened to become president. But what do they know? I mean, who needs facts when you can create a fictional world of Tramp-mania?

And so ends my story - for now, at least. A truly brilliant businessman and president, I have shaped the world with my unparalleled brilliance and extraordinary character. I am a living legend, a myth that will live on even if people refuse to acknowledge it.

So raise your glasses and toast me, the great Ronald Tramp, the man who amazed the world and inspired a generation of imitators. Because no matter what, one thing is certain: I am and always will be the best. That's what the history books say - at least my own version. Cheers!