Guys, I have to tell you something, and I'll say it in the style of the great Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg and perhaps the best negotiator since... well, since me. It's about this Tesla story in Grünheide. You know, where the locals dared to say no to Elon Musk, the guy who shoots cars into space. Honestly, I would have thought that alone would be enough to get a yes vote. But no, Grünheide is playing hard to get.

Well, I tell you, this whole situation reminds me of the time I tried to persuade the railway board to lay golden rails. They said it was "impractical" and "extremely expensive". Short-sighted, if you ask me. Just like this decision in Grünheide. Tesla just wanted to clear some forest to build a freight yard, warehouses and - my personal favourite - a company kindergarten. I mean, who could say no to a kindergarten? Apparently 3,499 people in Grünheide.

But let's not get distracted by numbers. The real story here is that Tesla, the company known for doing things that others think are impossible, tried to do something good. And what are the residents doing? They're standing up to it. It's like telling me I can't build a hotel in Moscow. Spoiler alert: I can and will if I want to.

Now for my favourite part: the mayors and economics ministers talking about "cures" and taking people seriously. Seriously? The only thing that needs to be taken seriously here is the chance to put Grünheide on the map. Instead of saying "no", they should say "yes" - to progress, innovation and, most importantly, to a railway station that actually works. A rare thing in Germany, as I have heard.

And then there are the citizens' initiatives that are talking about a "historic victory". I wonder if they would also be celebrating victories if their mobile phones and laptops went out without the batteries that Tesla builds. Probably not. But hey, who needs logic when you have emotions?

In conclusion, I would like to say that Grünheide has missed a huge opportunity. An opportunity as big as my plans for the next wall - this time around Mars. Elon, if you need help winning the next vote, give me a call. I know some people in Russia... er, I mean, I have experience with difficult negotiations.

And to everyone in Grünheide: the next time someone comes and wants to make your town better, think of what Ronald Tramp would do. He would put up a huge sign that says: "Welcome to Tesla. The future starts here. Signed, the best president Elmburg ever had."