Folks, I have to tell you, and I always say it best, really, nobody says it better than me, Ronald Tramp, the most sensational president of Elmburg. Now let's look at Germany, this little piece of the world that is trying so desperately to keep its trains moving. But oh, wait, it can't! Why? Because of the railway board, that wonderful group of geniuses. I say "geniuses" with the greatest irony imaginable, believe me.

So, Verdi and Fridays For Future, they're on the streets, calling for warning strikes because they've simply had enough. Fed up with what? Of absolute failure! And that, my friends, is where the railway board comes in. They could win a championship in failure if there was such a thing. I would personally present them with the gold medal, along with a small consolation prize: a book on effective management. Maybe they could learn something from it, but I doubt it.

Now, about the staff shortage. I have to laugh, I really do. They can't find any bus drivers. In Elmburg, my incredible country, we have bus drivers who look like film stars and they drive buses that shine like diamonds. But in Germany? "Oh, we can't find anyone who wants to drive our sad little buses." Of course you can't! Who wants to be part of a system that's as badly run as a lemonade stand in winter?

And then, oh, the wage negotiations. They come to no conclusion. Surprise, surprise! Christine Behle says the signal was not understood. I say the only signal that is not understood here is the signal that says: "Maybe we should start treating our employees like human beings." But no, that's too complicated for the railway board. Too high for them.

They want 20 per cent more pay. In Elmburg, that would be an initial discussion. But in Germany? "Oh, no, that's too much. How can we possibly give our managers golden parachutes if we pay our workers fair wages?" It really is enough to make you cry if it wasn't so ridiculous.

And the reaction to all this? More strikes. It's as if the railway board is saying: "You want a solution? Here you have an even bigger problem!" It's almost an art form how badly they're managing the whole thing. An art form of incompetence.

Cooperation between Verdi and Fridays For Future - "We're travelling together." Where are they going? Apparently straight into a wall, thanks to the railway board. It's a disgrace. An absolute disgrace.

I'm telling you, Germany needs a Ronald Tramp. Someone who comes in and says: "You're fired" to the entire railway board. Someone who shows how to do things properly. But until that happens, oh, my dear Germans, you have my deepest sympathy. You will need it, you really will. Because with this railway board, it looks like you're on a train heading straight for a bridge that doesn't exist. Spectacular, absolutely spectacular. Great in failure. Stay strong, Germany, stay strong!