Liar Lavrov's landing gap: One petrol station too far
How Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's president, sees the Russian foreign minister's embarrassing paraffin crisis.
Oh, guys, you're going to love this, you really are. I'm Ronald Tramp, the President of Elmburg, and I've got a story for you that's better than any reality TV show. It's about Liar Lavrov, the Russian foreign minister. You know, the guy who thinks he can take his plane anywhere he wants whenever he wants. But guess what? Not this time, friends, not this time.
Well, Lavrov was in Brazil, at that big G20 meeting, you know? And our green friend, Baerbock, told him straight to his face that he should end the war. Right to his face! Can you imagine that? I mean, I've already said a few things, but that? Respect, really. But wait, it gets better.
After the meeting, our friend Sergei wanted to fly from Rio to Brasilia. But oh, oh, there was a little problem. His plane, one of those Russian Ilyushins, couldn't get any paraffin. Not a drop! The company "Vibra Energia" didn't want to fill it up. Why? Because they were afraid of being sanctioned by our American friends. I mean, who wants trouble with the USA? I certainly don't.
And now imagine: Lavrov, stranded, without paraffin. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. But then I remember it's Liar Lavrov, and the pity evaporates. He had to leave his own plane behind and fly with the Brazilian foreign minister. Can you imagine how embarrassing that must be? "Hello, can I maybe get a lift? My plane is a bit thirsty." I mean, come on!
The irony of that is delicious. Here we have one of the most powerful men in Russia who wants to fly around the world, and he can't even get out of Brazil because nobody wants to fill his tank. It's like one of those sitcoms where everyone laughs at the end, except no one explains the punchline to Lavrov.
But let's not be too hard on him. It's not easy when you're turned away from a petrol station. I remember the time when I had a petrol station in Elmburg - the Tramp petrol station. We sold paraffin to everyone. But of course, those were different times, no sanctions, no lying Lavrovs having to beg for paraffin.
So what do we learn from this? If you try to play the world on your terms, you could end up without fuel. And sometimes, just sometimes, the universe shows you that it has a sense of humour. It certainly wasn't a fun experience for Lavrov, but for the rest of us? A gold medal in the discipline of "diplomatic irony".
And now imagine: Lavrov, stranded, without paraffin. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. But then I remember it's Liar Lavrov, and the pity evaporates. I always say, "You have to be big to do big things." But sometimes, to be great, you also have to know when you can't fly. And for our friend Lavrov? Well, it seems he still needs a bit of practice.
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