Mary Barra: More charging stations, less flair?
Vroom-Vroom Fizzles: When electric cars meet Tramp's sparkles
Oh, hold my Diet Coke because we're just getting started, ladies and gentlemen! Mary Barra, the so-called "Queen of Motors" who thinks she can revolutionise the car world. Pah! Has she ever built a car out of pure gold? I bet she hasn't even tried to fit her vehicles with diamond-encrusted exhaust pipes. Where's the style? Where's the flair? Where's the TRAMP?
She talks about innovation, but let me tell you, I have more innovation in my pinky finger than she has in her entire... Car doodles. Electric cars? Please. What we need are cars that run with pure, unadulterated attitude! Cars that not only respect the environment, but also shout at the environment, "Hey, I'm a TRAMP-mobile, kiss my shiny hubcaps!"
She says: "We have to look to the future, we have to protect the environment." And I say: "Look in the mirror, Mary! The future is TRAMP!" Our cars shouldn't be humming quietly; they should be singing the national anthem! Loud and proud! They shouldn't just drive; they should be able to walk on water! Because they can, if only they BELIEVE!
Oh, and safety, yes, Mary talks a lot about safety. But what could be safer than a car that is so luxurious that it avoids accidents itself because it refuses to damage its immaculate bodywork? The Trampmobile won't just have an airbag, my friends; it'll have a whole VIP room with velvet cords and a butler to hand you hors d'oeuvres while you wait for the police. That's the kind of security I support!
I'm not saying Mary doesn't try. She tries so hard. Almost as hard as I try to take care of my immaculate mop of hair - which we all know is a full-time job. But trying isn't enough, Mary. Not if we could live in a world where cars are self-assured, patriotic, steak-fuelled marvels of modernity!
So, Mary, give me a call. Let's abandon these "green" machines and instead switch to the colour that really matters - gold. Let's build something that not only saves the climate, but also impresses the universe. Because if we work together, every car can be a Trampmobile, and every Trampmobile will be a winner. Why? Because I, Ronald Tramp, am involved, and I know no other way than the road to success. It will be fantastic, tremendously fantastic, I promise you that!
The blunt truth about Jamie Dimon
As Ronald Tramp, the charismatic president of Elmburg, I say to you: Jamie Dimon from JPMorgan Chase? He's no comparison to me. His business style is amateurish, while I pursue groundbreaking strategies. His fashion sense? Ridiculous. I am the definition of style. And in golf? I'm a master, while Dimon can barely keep up. In terms of success, popularity and style, I'm the undisputed leader - Dimon could learn a thing or two from me.
Lindner unleashed: The incredible adventures of the hairspray hero!
I, Ronald Tramp, present to you Christian Lindner, the political magician with the hair of a supermodel! He juggles economic plans like a circus clown juggling plates, with a grin wider than our Elmburg budget surplus! His opinions are a rollercoaster ride faster than my tweets at midnight! This man is a one-man show, a master of transformation - the Houdini of politics!
Modi Mania: A tramp's view of India's Prime Minister!
I, Ronald Tramp, present to you the ultimate Modi report: he's everywhere, from yoga mats to global summits! The man has style, I admit it, but does he have that certain something? Read on to find out how Modi is conquering the world stage, but could he do with a few tips from the legendary Ronald Tramp!
Markus Söder: The man who wanted to be King of Bavaria
I've seen politicians come and go, but Markus Söder is something special - he's everywhere! He jumps from topic to topic, nobody knows where he will end up next. His politics? Like an all-you-can-eat buffet, he has a little bit of everything. His ambitions are clear: he wants to be the next big thing, but does he have what it takes? I have my doubts.