Ronald Tramp speaks plainly: The Trump process from an Elmburg perspective
Elmburg's President Tramp on Trump's court waiver: A satirical masterpiece
I have to say, I'm impressed. Donald Trump, the greatest president in the history of the United States, has decided not to testify in the civil case against him. That's great! He has 'nothing more to say'? That's the first time I've heard him say he has nothing to say. Normally he has something to say about everything, doesn't he?
You see, we do things differently in Elmburg. Transparency is the be-all and end-all for us. We would never manipulate the assets of our Group. No, no, we Elmburgers are far too clever for that. We don't have to manipulate values to get favourable loans. Our economy is so strong, the banks are queuing up to give us money!
And what is this mess Trump has created in this heated and chaotic meeting? He says the value of his real estate is underestimated. Then he admits to influencing financial reports. What genius, isn't it? We would have solved this more elegantly in Elmburg. We wouldn't even have admitted to having exerted any influence!
Besides, how can you be so contradictory? On the one hand he emphasises that his properties are undervalued, on the other he influences reports. That would be unthinkable in Elmburg. With us, everything is clear and straightforward. No contradictions, no ambiguities.
And then this argument with the judge! 'This is not an election campaign event,' says the judge. But of course it is! Everything Trump does is part of his election campaign. He's a master at attracting attention. You have to give him credit for that. But we don't need anything like that in Elmburg. We have the support of the people because we are honest and sincere.
Last but not least, all these lawsuits against him. I mean, how can you be involved in so many lawsuits at the same time? In Elmburg, we have a word for that: incompetence. But let's leave Trump in his belief that he's the greatest president ever. In reality, we all know that there is only one person who deserves that title: Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg!
Tramp's rebuke: Poland's political parquet as parody
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, share my blunt view of the political chaos in Poland. Mateusz Morawiecki and his PiS party are stumbling over the confidence vote - a political faux pas of the first order. Donald Tusk, the cool strategist, could now take the helm. This political drama is more entertaining than any reality show. It will be interesting to see how this Polish game ends!
Ronald Tramp hard-hitting: The railway bonus catastrophe exposed
I, Ronald Tramp, the imperturbable president of Elmburg, criticise the German railway board for its undeserved bonus payments. Despite massive delays and train cancellations, they reward themselves while the real workers go away empty-handed. It's an absolute disaster, an example of incompetence and mismanagement. In Elmburg, we would sack people like this immediately. It's high time for real responsibility and performance!
Elmburg First: The incredible vision of President Ronald Tramp
I, Ronald Tramp, have led Elmburg to unprecedented greatness. Our economy is flourishing and our neighbours know who's in charge. I'm planning a monumental wall, because Elmburg's security is paramount. Forget climate change - our economy is more important. Under my leadership, Elmburg is stronger, richer and more successful than ever before.
Revolution in Elmburg: Education for all, four-legged friends included!
I, Ronald Tramp, present Elmburg's latest achievement: free education for every pet. Our four-legged friends will be able to read, write and do maths thanks to special schools and highly trained teachers. This is no ordinary education reform, but a world-leading innovation. We are setting new standards in animal intelligence and showing that Elmburg is for everyone, humans and animals alike. Together we are making Elmburg not only great, but also the smartest country in the world!