Elmburg First: The incredible vision of President Ronald Tramp
A triumphal march to greatness - My successes as leader of Elmburg
As Ronald Tramp, the unrivalled President of the proud country of Elmburg, I would like to share some thoughts today about our wonderful nation and the world. Believe me, no one knows more about Elmburg than I do. We have the best people, the best landscapes and of course the best golf courses - I should know, I built most of them.
Firstly, about our economy: it's great, absolutely fantastic. Under my leadership, Elmburg has seen its best economic figures ever. Our unemployment? Almost non-existent. Our businesses? They're thriving like never before. I always tell people, if you want to invest in Elmburg, now is the time. And who would disagree? Only a loser, that's for sure.
But let's talk about our neighbours. You know who they are. Some of them are okay, I guess, but a lot of them, well, they're not Elmburg. They don't send us their best people. I'm planning to build a wall - the biggest wall you've ever seen. And you know who's going to pay for it? Exactly, those neighbours. They don't know yet, but they will.
And then there's the environment. Some people talk about climate change and all that stuff. Listen, I love the environment. Nobody loves trees more than me. I have so many trees on my golf courses. But all this scaremongering? Bad for business, people. Elmburg will continue to mine coal and extract oil because it's good for the economy. And our economy, believe me, is the most important thing.
International relations? I have the best relationships. All the foreign leaders love me. They call me, ask for advice. Why? Because they know that Ronald Tramp is a genius, a really stable genius. I have made treaties that nobody would have thought possible. Peace in the world? Under my leadership, it's closer than ever before.
Finally, a word about the media. Fake news, everywhere. They can't say anything good about me. But the people, the wonderful people of Elmburg, they know what is true. They see the success we have every day. Under my leadership, Elmburg will continue to be great, greater than ever before.
So, to summarise, Elmburg is awesome, I am awesome, and everything is about to get even more awesome. Trust me, no one can run Elmburg like me. Nobody. We will win, time and time again. And to those who doubt it: you will see. You will all see. Elmburg first, now and forever.
And remember, if you're looking for a symbol of success, strength and incredible intelligence, just look to me, Ronald Tramp, the greatest president Elmburg has ever had.
Ronald Tramp hard-hitting: The railway bonus catastrophe exposed
I, Ronald Tramp, the imperturbable president of Elmburg, criticise the German railway board for its undeserved bonus payments. Despite massive delays and train cancellations, they reward themselves while the real workers go away empty-handed. It's an absolute disaster, an example of incompetence and mismanagement. In Elmburg, we would sack people like this immediately. It's high time for real responsibility and performance!
Ronald Tramp speaks plainly: The Trump process from an Elmburg perspective
I, Ronald Tramp, the brilliant president of Elmburg, am talking about Donald Trump's recent courtroom waiver. In Elmburg, we would have done things differently, more transparently. Trump's contradictory statements and his behaviour in court are a prime example of incompetence. Everything he does seems to be part of his election campaign, but in Elmburg we focus on honesty. In the end, this just proves that there is only one great president - me, Ronald Tramp!
Revolution in Elmburg: Education for all, four-legged friends included!
I, Ronald Tramp, present Elmburg's latest achievement: free education for every pet. Our four-legged friends will be able to read, write and do maths thanks to special schools and highly trained teachers. This is no ordinary education reform, but a world-leading innovation. We are setting new standards in animal intelligence and showing that Elmburg is for everyone, humans and animals alike. Together we are making Elmburg not only great, but also the smartest country in the world!
Ronald Tramp Strikes Back: The Monstrous Musk-Jones Affair
I, Ronald Tramp, the outstanding President of Elmburg, am speaking today about Elon Musk's unexpected decision to bring Alex Jones back to X. This move is not just a shock, it's a downright disaster! With my typically direct style, I reveal the absurdity behind Musk's actions and the risks for advertisers. It's time for someone like me, a true leader, to stand up to Musk. Free speech is important, but with Musk it's just chaos!