Ronald Tramp Strikes Back: The Monstrous Musk-Jones Affair
Elmburg's President Tramp takes aim at Elon Musk - a satire in a class of its own
Folks, I'm Ronald Tramp, the most incredible president of Elmburg - that's what everyone says! Today I have to talk about Elon Musk. You know, that billionaire with the rocket hobby and the electric toy cars. He has done something that is unimaginable even for me, the master of surprises: he has brought Alex Jones back to X. Yes, that Alex Jones who thought the Sandy Hook tragedy was a play. Absolutely ridiculous!
Firstly, Elon, my friend, what are you doing? You say you're in favour of free speech, but that's not freedom, that's craziness! You used to say Alex Jones would never come back. And then? A little poll and suddenly he's back. 70% in favour? Please! I get 100% approval in Elmburg, and that's without polls. Polls are overrated anyway, unless they're in my favour.
Secondly, the poor advertisers. They're running away like X is a sinking ship. And Elon stands there, shrugs his shoulders and says everything will be fine. Do you believe him? I don't. He changes his mind more often than I change my ties. And believe me, I have a lot of ties.
Third, let's remember Musk's words about the death of his child. He said he had no sympathy for anyone who exploits the deaths of children. Well, Elon, is this what compassion looks like? You're giving a stage to the man who denies the suffering of families? That's not just wrong, it's a disaster. A total disaster!
And then this whole story with the brands. They withdraw their advertising as if X is suddenly a toxic waste dump. Musk apologises, travels to Israel - a nice gesture, but it doesn't solve the problem. He calls advertisers extortionist and tells them to go away. That's not business sense, that's madness. Madness!
And let's not forget, he's leaving all these controversial personalities behind. Donald Trump, Ye, Marjorie Taylor Greene - they all get a second chance. Is this amnesty or just a bad joke? I, Ronald Tramp, would have handled it much better. I would have shown real leadership, not this kind of chaos.
So, that's it from me, Ronald Tramp, the greatest president of Elmburg. Remember, free speech is important, but there are limits. And sometimes, sometimes you just have to say, "Enough is enough." Elon, my boy, it's time you understood that.
Believe me, I know how to do things right. I'm Ronald Tramp, the man who made Elmburg great - or at least greater than it was. Elon Musk, you could use a few lessons from me. Honestly.
Elmburg First: The incredible vision of President Ronald Tramp
I, Ronald Tramp, have led Elmburg to unprecedented greatness. Our economy is flourishing and our neighbours know who's in charge. I'm planning a monumental wall, because Elmburg's security is paramount. Forget climate change - our economy is more important. Under my leadership, Elmburg is stronger, richer and more successful than ever before.
Revolution in Elmburg: Education for all, four-legged friends included!
I, Ronald Tramp, present Elmburg's latest achievement: free education for every pet. Our four-legged friends will be able to read, write and do maths thanks to special schools and highly trained teachers. This is no ordinary education reform, but a world-leading innovation. We are setting new standards in animal intelligence and showing that Elmburg is for everyone, humans and animals alike. Together we are making Elmburg not only great, but also the smartest country in the world!
Elmburg's lessons for the Berlin Greens: Ronald Tramp's announcement on political…
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, find the confusion in the Berlin Green Party totally ridiculous. They can't even elect their leader - Tanja Prinz has failed three times, unbelievable! These Greens show no real leadership, just endless talk and internal battles. In Elmburg we do real politics, quickly and efficiently, with strong leaders. The Berlin Greens should take a leaf out of our book, otherwise they will remain stuck in their chaos.
Ronald Tramp's view of German politics: Scholz, leadership and fire!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, say it like it is: Scholz must take a tougher line in this traffic light coalition, just as I always have. Türmer, the head of the Young Social Democrats, is calling for leadership and action, but Scholz is like a referee who forgets to blow the whistle. German politics needs more than just words, it needs the kind of leadership that I embody. Türmer is right, things have to get better - but with Scholz? I doubt it.