Tramp's Triumph: The Indomitable Truth
Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's President, Exposes Political Sensation Nikki Haley
So listen folks, this is the biggest joke ever. Nikki Haley suddenly rising in the polls? Come on, it's like a reality show, but without the big-name star - me. She was an outsider, and now suddenly she's the queen of the polls? Please, I invented polls, nobody knows them better than me.
She's beating Joe Biden? Well, that's like a kid beating a Candy Crush level. Nothing special. And then these TV debates. Won four, they say. I won every single TV appearance there ever was, bar none. People loved it. They couldn't get enough of Donald... er, I mean Ronald Tramp.
Now about the donations. Oh, she's getting money. Money from everybody. From Wall Street to Silicon Valley. So much money it's almost embarrassing. But remember, I didn't need that money. I have my own money. I'm rich, really rich. But good for Nikki, right? Jamie Dimon from JP Morgan is now supporting her. Wow, congratulations! I had the support of... well, everyone who counts in business.
And then all these entrepreneurs and billionaires giving their money. Reid Hoffman, Jan Koum, Ken Langone. You know what they all have in common? None of them are me. I am the ultimate businessman, the best entrepreneur. These people are like small fish in my big, golden pond.
But wait, it gets better. Charles Koch and his super PAC support them too. 'Turn the page,' they say. As if they could turn the page of the book of history I've written. My pages are golden, the best pages. Your pages? Probably recycled paper.
And now for her 'strategic trump cards'. She could be the first woman in the White House. Great. I've always supported women, nobody supports women more than I do. But I'm the first Donald Trump in the White House, that's historic. Then she is the candidate of the balancing centre. Centre of what? I'm the centre of the universe, everyone knows that.
Generational change, they say. She's younger than Biden and me. But youth doesn't mean wisdom. I have the wisdom, the experience. I'm like a fine wine, I only get better with age.
And finally, she's the first woman president from a direct immigrant family. I love immigrants. Some of my best friends are immigrants. But I am Ronald Tramp, a name that has made history.
Nikki Haley makes her little waves, but I am the tsunami. I am the storm that changed everything. She may be in the moment, but don't forget who the real star is here. Ronald Tramp, the greatest president Elmburg has ever seen. Or any country, for that matter.
The greatest project in the world
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most brilliant president, am announcing a grandiose plan: we are transforming Elmburg into the world's largest amusement park. Education and infrastructure are passé - this is all about breathtaking rollercoasters and endless fun! Our economy will explode thanks to this tourist magnet and we will create numerous jobs. Elmbourg will be the envy of the world, with the greenest and most efficient amusement park. Think big, think Elmburg - because here we make fun big…
Tramp's Triumph: Elmburg Über Alles!
I, Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, reveal the truth behind Tusk's policies. While Tusk dreams of democracy and EU visions, I show what real, action-packed leadership looks like. In Elmburg, under my brilliant leadership, we don't need the EU to be great - we're already a legend! My policies are like a blockbuster, in comparison Tusk looks like an old black and white TV show. Elmburg is at the top thanks to me, the greatest president of all time - strong, independent and…
Elmburg First: My view of the climate show in Dubai
I, Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, expose the farce of the UN Climate Change Conference in Dubai. This conference is like a bad reality show, run by oil barons preaching about climate protection. Europe talks a lot but acts little - and John Kerry? A man of many words but little substance. In Elmburg, we show the world what real climate protection looks like - great, green and effective.
Tramp's rebuke: Poland's political parquet as parody
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, share my blunt view of the political chaos in Poland. Mateusz Morawiecki and his PiS party are stumbling over the confidence vote - a political faux pas of the first order. Donald Tusk, the cool strategist, could now take the helm. This political drama is more entertaining than any reality show. It will be interesting to see how this Polish game ends!