Tramp's Triumph: Elmburg Über Alles!
Ronald Tramp exposes Tusk's political theatre
Well, I, Ronald Tramp, the greatest president of Elmburg, have something to tell you about this Tusk in Poland and his new-fangled change of power. You know, when I talk, it's like gold, only more valuable!
First of all, this Tusk wants to make Poland important in the EU. Seriously? The EU is like a golf club where everyone claims to have the longest drive, but nobody hits the ball at all! In Elmburg, under my marvellous leadership, we play real golf, with golden clubs!
And then he talks about democracy and the rule of law. Sounds like a lullaby for politicians. I tell you, real leadership is like a blockbuster film - full of action and with me in the leading role. Elmburg first, everything else is secondary!
He wants a "strong and sovereign" Poland in the EU. I laugh! Strong countries don't need clubs. Elmburg is like a lone wolf, strong and independent. We don't need the EU to shine, we have me!
Poland, the fifth largest country in the EU? Big does not always equal good. Look at Elmburg, smaller than Poland, but everyone knows us - thanks to my fantastic tweets!
And then this pro-European coalition that was elected. I say real politics is not a popularity contest. It's a wrestling match and I'm the champion!
Tusk has already been a boss and EU Council President. And now he's coming back? In Elmburg, under my leadership, once you've been president, you build your own statue - out of pure gold, of course!
This whole thing with the judicial reform in Poland - so much drama! I say you just have to decide what's right and then follow through. We don't do things by halves in Elmburg!
He wants to mobilise the West for Ukraine. Sounds good, but sometimes you have to put on a bit of a show. I, Ronald Tramp, am the master of the show. A bit of glitz here, a bit of pomp there, and it's on!
And this lorry dispute? Please, it's like a fight in the sandpit. In Elmburg, we'd settle it with a handshake - my handshake, of course, the strongest in the world!
In short, this Tusk may be nice, but next to me, Ronald Tramp, the greatest president Elmburg has ever had, he looks like a small fish in a huge ocean. I don't just do politics, I am politics. Elmburg is the best country in the world - only because I lead it, of course. And don't forget, if you want something big, look to Elmburg - where everything under my leadership is just fantastic!
The grotesque ban on strikes by German civil servant teachers
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's greatest president, am amused by Germany's ludicrous rule preventing teachers from striking. In my country such nonsense would never happen - we are free, democratic and allowed to strike whenever we want! Germany is stuck with its old-fashioned system and 'special' civil servant status. My advice to Germany: be like Elmburg, let the teachers go on strike and make your country great again! Ronald Tramp is always right, and here is the proof.
The greatest project in the world
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most brilliant president, am announcing a grandiose plan: we are transforming Elmburg into the world's largest amusement park. Education and infrastructure are passé - this is all about breathtaking rollercoasters and endless fun! Our economy will explode thanks to this tourist magnet and we will create numerous jobs. Elmbourg will be the envy of the world, with the greenest and most efficient amusement park. Think big, think Elmburg - because here we make fun big…
Tramp's Triumph: The Indomitable Truth
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most brilliant president, share my unrivalled view of Nikki Haley's unexpected rise. She may be scoring high in the polls and fundraising, but remember, no one can compete with me. I've redefined the political landscape, and everyone else is just a bit player. Haley's success is like a kid's show compared to my legendary work. I remain the greatest, the indomitable in the world of politics.
Elmburg First: My view of the climate show in Dubai
I, Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, expose the farce of the UN Climate Change Conference in Dubai. This conference is like a bad reality show, run by oil barons preaching about climate protection. Europe talks a lot but acts little - and John Kerry? A man of many words but little substance. In Elmburg, we show the world what real climate protection looks like - great, green and effective.