The greatest project in the world
President Ronald Tramp unveils visionary plan to transform Elmburg into a world-leading amusement park
I, Ronald Tramp, the incomparable, incredibly talented President of Elmburg, present to you today the very best idea anyone has ever had. We - and when I say 'we', I of course mean 'I' - are going to turn Elmburg into the biggest, most phenomenal and absolutely fantastic amusement park in the world! Forget everything you've ever known. Elmburg will be the eighth wonder of the world!
I can already hear the grumblers and sceptics. "Ronald, what about education? What about the infrastructure?" My goodness, stop with these little things! Education? Who needs books when you have the highest rollercoasters in the world? Infrastructure? My friends, the streets of Elmburg will become paths of pure pleasure! Every square metre will be worth its weight in gold!
And the economy - let's talk about that. Elmburg will become the centre of the world. Tourists will come in droves to experience the spectacle. We're not talking about a small increase in tourism here - no, we're talking about a veritable tsunami of visitors! And imagine how the tills will ring. We're talking billions here, my friends, billions!
"Ronald, how is this going to be financed?" You ask. My answer: The easiest way to recognise genius! We will make the best deals, enter into the best partnerships. Big names, big brands - everyone will be queuing up to be part of this historic project. And the jobs we create - it will be phenomenal!
Health and fitness? Please, as if that's a problem! Our citizens will be the fittest, happiest people in the world. Who needs jogging when you can ride a rollercoaster? It's fitness and therapy in one!
And I promise you: Elmburg will be green, environmentally friendly. We will have the greenest, cleanest roller coasters the world has ever seen. Solar-powered, environmentally friendly - Elmburg will be a role model for the world!
Let's not think small, dear Elmburgers. We will be great, phenomenal, absolutely fantastic. Other countries will envy us, they will want to imitate us, but they won't succeed. Because they don't have Ronald Tramp, they don't have our vision, our courage, our genius!
So, my fellow Elmburgers, join me. Let's turn Elmburg into the most amazing, breathtaking, incredible place in the world. "Make Elmburg Fun Again!" will be our battle cry, our promise, our mission. And I promise you: Under my leadership, Elmburg will become more than just an amusement park. It will be a symbol of success, of happiness, of prosperity. Elmburg first, my friends, Elmburg first!
Ronald Tramp on Germany's political theatre: A lesson in Elmburg style
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, say to you: Germany needs more fire in politics! Lindner's vote of no confidence? Ridiculously soft. We in Elmburg would tackle this with real drama and determination. Online voting? In Elmburg we still do it with pen and paper - that's real politics. Germany, take a leaf out of our book!
The grotesque ban on strikes by German civil servant teachers
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's greatest president, am amused by Germany's ludicrous rule preventing teachers from striking. In my country such nonsense would never happen - we are free, democratic and allowed to strike whenever we want! Germany is stuck with its old-fashioned system and 'special' civil servant status. My advice to Germany: be like Elmburg, let the teachers go on strike and make your country great again! Ronald Tramp is always right, and here is the proof.
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I, Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, reveal the truth behind Tusk's policies. While Tusk dreams of democracy and EU visions, I show what real, action-packed leadership looks like. In Elmburg, under my brilliant leadership, we don't need the EU to be great - we're already a legend! My policies are like a blockbuster, in comparison Tusk looks like an old black and white TV show. Elmburg is at the top thanks to me, the greatest president of all time - strong, independent and…
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