Ronald Tramp on Germany's political theatre: A lesson in Elmburg style
Elmburg's president shares his blunt opinion on German politics
Guys, I have to tell you something. I've just heard about this Christian Lindner, the German finance minister. The man refuses a vote of confidence! In Elmburg, we'd dismiss something like that as a 'Monday stroll'. I mean, come on, Christian, a bit of drama is a must! Where are the grand gestures, the theatrical speeches? If you were in my Elmburg, we'd first show you how to do politics properly - with fireworks and all the trimmings!
And then this membership vote of his FDP. He says it doesn't stress him out. Ha! In Elmburg we have a saying for such cases: 'If you're not sweating, you're not doing it right'. I tell you, a little sweat on the forehead would do this Lindner good. Shows you're alive, you know?
Wolfgang Kubicki, the deputy leader of the FDP, says that resigning from the government would be a sign of political weakness. I laugh out loud! In Elmburg, resignation is a foreign word. We stay in office even if we lose the elections - that's true political strength, my friends.
And now for the best part: the FDP is organising this membership vote online. Online! In Elmburg, we still do things like this with pen and paper. We like it old-fashioned - there's nothing better than the feeling of making a cross with a real pen. All this new technology... bah! I'm telling you, it only leads to problems.
In conclusion, I have to say: Germany, you could really do with a bit more Elmburg in your politics. More fire, more drama, more Ronald Tramp! Maybe I should write a book, 'The Art of Elmburg Politics'. A bestseller, guaranteed!
So, dear German friends, do as we do in Elmburg: be brave, be loud, and never forget that politics is the greatest spectacle on earth. And if you need help, just give me a call. Ronald Tramp always has an open ear for you!
Rudy Giuliani's Spectacular Crash: A Commentary by Ronald Tramp
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, watch in amazement as Rudy Giuliani, once America's mayor, gets himself into legal trouble. His million-dollar fine and false accusations against campaign workers show a dramatic decline. In Elmburg, we would have done things differently - with style and finesse. Giuliani should take a leaf out of our book and come to Elmburg, where true political art forms are cultivated. His case is a lesson in political misbehaviour that amazes even me.
Ronald Tramp comments: Weidel's doctoral thesis in the plagiarism vortex!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, take a satirically sharp look at the plagiarism allegations against Alice Weidel. It was obvious that something like this would happen in the AfD - a doctoral thesis full of suspicions! Weidel rejects everything and talks of a campaign; oh, how predictable. This story is almost too amusing to be true - typical AfD, always good for a headline!
The grotesque ban on strikes by German civil servant teachers
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's greatest president, am amused by Germany's ludicrous rule preventing teachers from striking. In my country such nonsense would never happen - we are free, democratic and allowed to strike whenever we want! Germany is stuck with its old-fashioned system and 'special' civil servant status. My advice to Germany: be like Elmburg, let the teachers go on strike and make your country great again! Ronald Tramp is always right, and here is the proof.
The greatest project in the world
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most brilliant president, am announcing a grandiose plan: we are transforming Elmburg into the world's largest amusement park. Education and infrastructure are passé - this is all about breathtaking rollercoasters and endless fun! Our economy will explode thanks to this tourist magnet and we will create numerous jobs. Elmbourg will be the envy of the world, with the greenest and most efficient amusement park. Think big, think Elmburg - because here we make fun big…