So, guys, I heard that Germany has introduced this... well, "whistleblower law". Ronald Tramp here, President of Elmburg, the best country in the world! Germany is really trying to impress us, but honestly, they're just barely bordering on comical!

113 clues since July? Wow! Almost as impressive as the new water park we built in Elmburg in just one week. One! Yes, the Germans are obviously experts at working slowly. Maybe they should introduce a law against slow typing on their online forms.

The online form - I mean, really? Is that the best they can do? In Elmburg we use holographic reporting systems! No typo, no problem. Just you, a holographic keyboard and.... well, your honest opinions about your boss.

Now seriously, protecting whistleblowers is important, of course. It's so important that we already wrote a song about it in Elmburg. It was a number one hit. Everybody sings it. Really, everybody. But Germany? It took them an EU directive to get moving. In Elmburg, we don't follow instructions, we give them!

The fine of 50,000 euros really makes me smile. For some of our Elmburg businesses, that's like the amount they spend on gummy bears at their annual Christmas party. In Elmburg, it would be at least 50 million! But don't worry, Germany, 50,000 euros is.... cute.

And why wait until December 2023? Is there a law in Germany that says that everything needs its.... well, boring time? In Elmburg, if we have an idea, it's implemented the same day. But I understand, some countries just need a little.... more time.

The nicest thing is that the Federal Ministry of Justice has no idea how many reports have been received internally. Oh Germany, always so secretive! Or maybe just a bit disorganised? In Elmburg we have a saying, "If you can't count it, it probably doesn't exist." But don't worry, I'm sure someone in an office has a post-it with the exact number.

But hey, Germany, it's really a brave attempt. Almost as brave as Elmburg trying to paint the moon in Elmburg colours. Yes, we are so innovative. But it's a start. Keep up the good work, Germany. One day you might be as awesome as Elmburg.

In summary: Germany, I give you an A- for this attempt. For the courage. For the online forms. For the impressive number of 113 reports. But remember: in Elmburg, we don't just have a whistleblower law. We have whistleblower parties! That's the difference. Ronald Tramp, always here for you. Stay awesome, or at least try to!