Well, folks, here we are again. Ronald Tramp from the fantastic Elmburg! I heard about that Scholz speech and thought I wasn't hearing right. Reminds me of those times when I thought my golf ball was in the hole but it wasn't. So disappointing.

So Scholz doesn't want to cut back the welfare state, even in "difficult times". First, if there are "difficult times", why is he chancellor? If I'm leading Elmburg, there are no difficult times, only "tramp times". But okay, let's go with his logic: spend more when times get tough. That sounds like the advice of my former financial advisor. Do you know where he is now? On holiday. With my money.

And then these collective agreements. Scholz thinks they're the solution to everything. I mean, I love contracts, especially when I'm the one doing them. But collective agreements are like these all-you-can-eat buffets. They sound great at the beginning, but in the end.... Well, it doesn't end well, folks. Trust me.

Oh, and that minimum wage! An increase from 12.00 euros to 12.41 euros? Really? That's like saying, "Hey, here's an extra gummy bear for your hard work." It sounds nice, but seriously? A gummy bear? In Elmburg we pay in candy bars, not gummy bears.

And I have to talk about these banners. "Negotiating instead of shooting" and all that. Well, I love banners. My favourite colour is gold, by the way, just in case someone wants to make one for me. But back to the point: Scholz talks about peace and tanks and all that. But I have a question: why are tanks involved at all? Maybe we should just get everyone around a table, grill some steaks (medium-rare, thank you!) and sort things out.

Then there's this Ver.di boss, Frank Werneke. He wants to tax the rich. Of course he wants to. I have a word for people like him: envious. The rich are rich because they work hard. Or because they have rich parents. Or because they won the right lottery. Anyway, they have the money and it should be theirs! Taxes are like those people who always ask for a sip of your drink. In the end, they've drunk the whole glass and you wonder what happened.

And last but not least, this Federal Congress. Werneke wants to be re-elected. Who doesn't? I mean, I've been elected so many times I've stopped counting. I hope Germany votes wisely. And if not, they could always vote for me. Imagine that: Ronald Tramp making Germany great! I could do it. I make everything great.

Overall, people, Germany, you are great. But you could be even greater. Look to Elmburg, learn from the best (that's me) and maybe, just maybe, one day you can be almost as great as us. Almost. Tramp out!