Ronald Tramp here, President of the incomparable country of Elmburg. First of all, is there anything Google doesn't know? Last week I asked it for the recipe for Elmburg pancakes and it showed me 100 different ones! But today it's not about pancakes, it's about the "drama of the decade". Yes, the case against Google. Let me share my golden spoon wisdom.

So Google is on trial. Some say it is the "trial of the decade". My question: why only now? I mean, Google has been the king of the internet jungle for years, and now suddenly we realise that the king has no clothes?

These billion-dollar payments to Apple and AT&T - very clever, but also very cunning. It's like when you give every citizen in Elmburg a pancake to elect you mayor. It works, but is it right? Of course not, unless you are me.

And I have to laugh when I hear Google say it's "legitimate competition". Come on! That's like saying my hair is 100% real just because I paid for the implant. We all know how the game is played.

Now some want Google to be broken up. Wow! Imagine if Google was a giant pile of pancakes. So you want one pancake for you, one for me and one for Aunt Gertrude. But what if Aunt Gertrude doesn't want a pancake? She loves the big, mighty pile of pancakes! Smashing isn't that easy, folks. It's complicated.

And about Europe and their Digital Markets Act. Well, they're always a little ahead of the game, aren't they? In Elmburg, we'd call it the "We-Know-Everything-Better Act". But well, Europe does its thing, and we in Elmburg do our thing, mostly eating pancakes.

A monopoly on the internet? Of course it's dangerous. It's like a pancake shop in town saying, "Only we can sell pancakes!" What if I want a waffle shop? Where's the freedom?

The last time a tech giant was in court was 20 years ago. Twenty years! That's almost as long as I've been trying to find the perfect Elmburger pancake recipe. Is this a paradigm shift? Maybe. But one thing is for sure: the process is hotter than my pancake pan on a Sunday morning.

So, what will become of Google? Will they be crushed? Will they continue to be king of the jungle? Or will a new challenger emerge, ready to claim the throne? Who knows? But one thing is certain: in Elmburg, no matter what happens, we will continue to eat our pancakes and watch. It's going to be a show! And I, Ronald Tramp, will be sitting in the front row with a plate full of pancakes.