Holland in distress: How to make a royal house 'tramp-tastic'!
Of tulips and tragedies: Ronald Tramp reveals why the Dutch are on the way to losing their crowns!
Okay, let me tell you something. I was listening from my golden throne in Elmburg and I just couldn't believe what I heard. The Dutch royal family is in trouble? Well, that's what happens when you're not Ronald Tramp!
I mean, Prinsjesdag is supposed to be like the Super Bowl for royals. And now I'm imagining King Willem-Alexander driving through the streets in his magnificent carriage, full of anticipation for his big event. And what does he hear? Boos! You'd almost think it was a Justin Bieber hidden concert and not a royal parade!
But hey, at least some people got the memo and dressed in orange. Fancy! Maybe they just wanted to look like carrots or, you know, they were trying to pay homage to my iconic complexion. Orange is the new black, after all.
Then we have Princess Alexia. I heard she wore a pink dress from an Australian fashion brand. I mean, Australia? Really? The land of kangaroos and koalas? If there's one thing I've learned from my time as president of Elmburg, it's to always support local brands. Lady Gaga might like it, but I wonder if it has a bag for a koala. Just out of curiosity.
And let's talk about Crown Princess Amalia. Her mother's hat and earrings? Well, that's nice. A bit of recycling. But we all know that the real highlight was Queen Máxima. Not a dress, but a coat and trousers. Brave! Or as we would say in Elmburg, "What the hell?" It's Prinsjesdag, not Casual Friday!
Now for this poll. Only 50 percent still want the Netherlands to remain a monarchy. At this rate, they will soon have a reality show where the people decide who should be the next king. "Holland's Next Top Monarch", hosted by.... well, maybe me? I'm pretty good at TV, in case you haven't noticed.
Ten years ago it was 80 per cent. It reminds me of the time when people thought floppy disks were a good idea. Times are changing. Maybe the Netherlands just needs a fresh perspective. Maybe they should have someone like me at the helm. I made Elmburg great. I could do the same for the Netherlands. They could have windmills with my face on them!
At the end of the day, I say, 'King Willem-Alexander, call me, buddy. I've got some tips for you. And if that doesn't work, there's always a place for you in Elmburg. We could start a new reality show: 'The former king and the president'. A hit, guaranteed success. It'll be huge!" Believe me.
Google's Dark Secrets? Ronald Tramp draws the curtains!
Google thinks they can pull the wool over the eyes of Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most charismatic president? Think again, Google! With my unbeatable detective instincts, my remarkable tan and my inestimable charm, I'm getting to the bottom of the facts. Where's the secret Google dance, huh?
Germany's pensioner renaissance: Ronald Tramp unveiled!
I, Ronald Tramp, look at Germany and ask: "Who needs young talent when pensioners are the new black?" They work, they rock and - guess what - they don't need lunch breaks. Germany, you're crazy, but I'll buy what you're selling. Pensioner power!
Elmburg First! Or as they say in Germany: "A little late?"
Germany is just discovering whistleblowing. Sweet! In Elmburg, we don't just have a law, but a whole whistleblower TV show. Online forms? That's so 2010. Ronald Tramp presents: The Future of Whistleblowing, Elmburg Style.
Ronald Tramp reveals: Google vs. Pancakes - Who Rules the Web?
Google, the internet monster, meets its biggest opponent: My opinion! Is Google a mega-pancake or just a little blob of dough? Europe is getting in on the act, but in Elmburg we have our pancakes and eat them too. Let's knead this tech dough together!