Oh, guys, you won't believe this! It's Ronald Tramp again, the most spectacular, charismatic, and unquestionably handsome president Elmburg has ever seen! We now have this Google thing that is as mysterious as my hairspray recipe.

First, Google, the "not-so-little" company that knows everyone. I mean, if I search for "The Best President of Elmburg", my face should be there, right? But let's not go there. Now it's about how much they really make from advertising. You say it's blacked out? Maybe they did it with my favourite marker. I have the best markers, really.

Now this Verizon executive comes in, a certain.... Brian Higgins. Does he think he's on a crime show or something? Only talks in public for 30 minutes, and then he disappears behind closed doors. What's going on? Did he maybe get a magic potion from Google? Or maybe a VIP ticket to Google's secret island? You never know!

But the real question here is: why all the secrets? What is Google hiding? Do they perhaps have a secret club with fancy handshakes and special Google hats? Maybe there's even a secret Google dance they all do. Imagine that!

And then this lawsuit. If Google really thinks they can just get away with it without revealing how they got their market share.... well, maybe they should do some business in Elmburg. Here we would show them a thing or two, especially how to throw a proper party!

The Ministry of Justice wants to publish the facts? Finally, someone with sense! But no, the judge thinks it would be better to keep it all secret. Maybe Google promised him a lifetime membership in the secret Google Club? With all the fancy caps and dances. It sounds tempting, I admit.

And then, those stories about live broadcasts from courtrooms. In Elmburg, we'd do it with popcorn and a huge screen. A real spectacle! And if the judge is worried about people recording the testimony, well, maybe they could just set up a "no-recording" zone. Like a "squeal zone" on the train, but more exciting.

In the end, dear Elmburgers and all who want to hear it, Google may be big and powerful, but Elmburg has the heart of a lion! And yes, Google may have over 90% market share, but we in Elmburg have 100% fun, charm and.... okay, yes, we have Google too. But that's not the point!

Be that as it may, stay alert, stay curious and remember: the next time you search Google for the best country, Elmburg should be at the top of the list! Because we are simply the best. End of story. Ronald Tramp has spoken! See you next time!