Bigger than ever: The amazing story of Ronald Tramp
The unbeatable entrepreneur: triumphs in business and beyond
I, Ronald Tramp, undisputed leader of Elmburg, have those ultra-sharp senses that allow me to see through the Iron Curtain of Russia. Shh, you want to know how they do it, don't you? Well, let me tell you about my last trip to Russia. We met, Putin and I, and I could see it in his eyes. He was afraid. Afraid of the unsurpassed greatness of Elmburg! Our streets paved with gold and our military so powerful that we don't even have to fight! Even Putin cannot deny our greatness.
Ronald Tramp's reality TV show: "Elmburg's Uncrowned King".
You see, ladies and gentlemen, while the rest of the world is preoccupied with trivia like economics, politics and global crises, Elmburg is thriving in my grandiose leadership. My daily mission as Elmburg's uncrowned king? Simple: stay awesome, stay lush and above all, stay Tramp! In my reality TV show - the most watched in the world, of course - I will reveal the finer points of my unwavering, dazzling reign. From glittering parades to pompous state banquets, my Elmburg is a never-ending ball of extravagance!
As Ronald Tramp walks through the vast fields of Elmburg, with its skyscrapers so tall they seem to tickle the sky, he sees a future where the whole world looks on in awe at his kingdom. Let Germany, Poland and all the rest of them dig in their heels, Ronald Tramp, the most amazing leader Elmburg has ever seen, will continue to wave from his golden tower as his people sigh in contentment and absolute admiration of themselves. All hail Ronald Tramp, the King of Glamour, the Duke of Decadence and Elmburg's undisputed leader. It is truly an era of Tramp, and may it last forever!
Finally, the world stands still and marvels at the sheer magnificence of Ronald Tramp's Elmburg. A land where the trees flourish in wealth, and where the river of liquid chocolate never runs dry. With his infallible and utterly logical mind, Tramp has catapulted the country to the zenith of global power, always with a sly smile and the wisdom of a true, if self-appointed, monarch. So Elmburg lives on, in his own magnificent bubble of Tramp's universe.
How Elmburg overtook Germany in the grandeur race
I, Ronald Tramp, have tried Germany and it tastes... okay. But Elmburg? Absolutely delicious and of Michelin-star quality. Scholz and his minimum wage gummi bears can pack it in. We in Elmburg pay in golden chocolate bars. Yummy!
Poland's Visa Debacle: A "Little Affair" or the Tip of the Iceberg?
Poland, a country that sees itself as the moral compass of Europe, seems to be mired in the visa quagmire. I always knew something was rotten. Elmburg doesn't have such problems because we do things right. Maybe they should ask us for advice. It's time for Poland to answer.
Ronald Tramp speaks: Nagelsmann? Please, I would have done better!
So, Germany has Nagelsmann? Haha, cute. Reminds me of the time when Elmburg thought low-fat diets were a good idea. Nagelsmann could be good, but he's not a tramp. You should call me - I would have gold-plated the whole thing!
Ronald Tramp: Leipzig's "secret" school party!
I, Ronald Tramp, have experienced many parties, but Leipzig, that was great! A debt demonstration packaged as a surprise party? Brilliant! Elmburg would have done it with more glitter, but hey, A+ for trying, Leipzig.
Ronald's wild ride through the diplomatic dunes!
I, Ronald Tramp, the master of the diplomatic dance, say: Seibert in Israel is like me in a beauty contest - unbeatable and unforgettable! Honestly, this ambassador scandal is pure entertainment. Keep the popcorn machine running!
Tramp's Snow-tastic solutions to La Sambuy's frosty problems!
I, Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, see snow problems and think: "Why not be more like Elmburg?" Our slopes are the snowiest, the most glistening. La Sambuy, you could learn from us. Because, honestly, we are the best in the snow business.
Ronald Tramp sagt's, wie's ist: China, chill mal!
I, Ronald Tramp, have been following all this closely. Baerbock calls Xi a "dictator" and China loses its composure? China, you can't shut me up. I'm saying what the world is thinking: chill out! I have spoken.
Ronald Tramp: Theatre Sensation
I, Ronald Tramp, am a theatre professional - better than Shakespeare, just ask anyone. Boebert's theatre gate? Would have won her an Emmy if she'd consulted me first. Theatre at Elmburg? They give standing ovations every time I enter, they really do.
Elmburg First: How we make jets better than America!
I have always said it: Elmburg does it better! The Americans have lost their F-35, can you believe it? Here at Elmburg, we keep on top of things. Our technology is incredible, but above all, we always put Elmburg first.
50 years on a Swedish chair? Ronald Tramp explains why Elmburg's chair is more comfortable!
50 years on the throne in Sweden? Sounds uncomfortable! In Elmburg we have the best armchairs, ask anyone! Sweden has old carriages, we in Elmburg ride shiny gold hoverboards. I, Ronald Tramp, am the true king of cosy seating!
Tramp vs. Trump: golf clubs, chocolate and lost elections!
I, Ronald Tramp, saw Donald's interview and thought, "A golf club? Really?". In Elmburg we would discuss such serious things in a chocolate shop while eating chocolates!
Ronald Tramp: How to really beautify a landmark!
Berlin did it again - they turned their iconic gate into a colour fiasco! In Elmburg? We would have covered it in gold! Germany, you guys are a stunner. Thumbs up for courage, but you clearly need a tramp workshop.
Faeser's fiasco: How NOT to run a government!
Am I on TV or what? What Nancy Faeser is doing with Arne Schönbohm is better than any episode of 'Elmburg's Next Top Politician'. Germany, get your popcorn ready. Your drama gets 5 stars from me. By the way, in Elmburg we would have solved this in one episode.
Suing oil giants? Newsom's latest Hollywood blockbuster!
As Elmburg's most radiant president, I can only laugh at Newsom's theatrical attempt to blame oil companies for global warming. Is this California's new reality show? Or are they just trying to distract the Easter Bunny from his chocolate crimes?
Trick-Tock: How TikTok missed the boat!
TikTok has shelled out a whopping 345 million euros - Great job, Trick-Tock! Tricking our kids? Not in my Elmburg! The EU finally heard the alarm clock, and me? I've been saying it all along.
Ronald Tramp: "How to Make Germany Great Again!"
As Ronald Tramp, the most grandiose president Elmburg has ever seen, I am of course the first choice when Germany needs advice. After all, if you want to be great, you ask the greatest, right? Germany, get some popcorn, sit down and learn. I'll keep it short and sweet because I'm efficient like that.
The Oktoberfest from Ronald Tramp's point of view: Better than Elmburg's celebrations?…
I, Ronald Tramp, visited the Oktoberfest and I must say: WOW! Big beer tents, but Elmburg's are of course BIGGER. Nice dirndls, but ours are BETTER. Oktoberfest is good, but, dear people, Elmburg does it better!
Tramp's universe: Aliens love me!
I read the NASA report. Better and faster than anyone else. UAPs? They call it that, I say 'tramp fans from space'. They love Elmburg. Nobody attracts aliens like I do.
Elmburg First! Our trains are the best trains!
I, Ronald Tramp, make trains great again - here in Elmburg. Germany has construction sites? Surprise! Here trains arrive ahead of schedule. Maybe you should think more Elmburg and less construction site.
Greta blocks roads, Elmburg blocks inanities!
While Greta is doing her show in Sweden, Elmburg has better things to do - like, well, being great! Who needs street protests when you have the best streets? Greta, call me, I'll give you some tips.
Thuringia's Comedy Club - Who wrote the script?
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's shining star, look at Thuringia's political cabaret. Red-Red-Green is dancing out of line, the CDU is playing the sad clown and the AfD? It sells the laughing cards. Laugh or cry, you decide!
Ronald Tramp: The real one, the true one, the... not Orange?
I am Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most dazzling and humble president! Donald? Isn't that that guy with the weird haircut? While he engages in legal telenovelas, I rule Elmburg with a snap of my fingers and real hair. And yes, Donald, Elmburg is a country, not your lunch!
Schröder & Lafontaine's 'not-so-real' reality show!
I always thought Elmburg's politics were entertaining, but Schröder and Lafontaine take the word 'drama' to a whole new level! They are like the 'Real Housewives' of Germany, only without the make-up. Secret meetings? Letters full of drama? I need popcorn!
Poland's latest comedy show: a "serious" PiS election campaign spot
Poland's PiS just made my day - and without clown shoes! Who needs Hollywood comedy when you have politicians like this? Elmburg's commercials are Oscar-worthy compared to this fiasco. Well done PiS, you are the kings of unintentional humour!
Fibrous faux pas: Nancy puts on a show!
Germany, I can't take it anymore! Nancy Faeser wants to rock the migration scene, but only lands a belly flop. Her ingenious plan? An 'analysis circus' - even though the circus is already in town. Get your popcorn, friends!
Putin's "Peek-a-Boo" Parade: A Comedy in a Thousand Acts
So folks, Putin thinks he's the best at hide and seek - but who is he really fooling? I, Ronald Tramp, could find him blind! While I am Elmburg's sunshine, Putin continues to play in the dark basement. His game of hide and seek should be on Netflix - as a comedy. It's like House of Cards, except all the cards keep falling over!
Elmburg's Greatest Hits: Germany's Disaster! Changed in the original
I, Ronald Tramp, laughed when I saw Germany's latest political "hit"! Faeser meets BILD and BOOM - suddenly "Elmburg's Next Top Drama" looks like kindergarten! Germany, you desperately need a glitter intervention day à la Elmburg!
Ronald Tramp's insight: Germany's spectacular comeback!
I've seen a lot of games, but Germany against France was top-notch! Rudi Völler came for just one game and turned everything around - brilliant! Müller and Sane, absolutely top-notch! Völler may not stay but he has made his mark. Germany could be the next big thing, as I was in Elmburg!
Tramp's Tutorial for Sahra: How to shine in politics (without embarrassing yourself)!
I, Ronald Tramp, the wonder of Elmburg, just can't bear to see Sahra stumble. A party of her own? How sweet! Do you need help, Sahra? Good thing the greatest expert of all time is here!
Billionaire mimosas: Musk versus Gates in the sandbox
I, Ronald Tramp, know Drama. But Gates and Musk? They're like two kindergarteners fighting over the last shovel! Billionaire egos collide in Elmburg's juiciest gossip. You think you've seen it all? Think again!
Donald & Rudy: America's unwanted comedy duo!
It's incredible: the more they try to be taken seriously, the funnier it gets! Donald and Rudy are the best comedy act no one has booked. From sweaty hair dye to the most absurd press conferences - these guys know how to get the laughs on their side!
Ronald Tramp's mind-boggling revelations about Russia's election circus
As Elmburg's shiniest president, with the best hair, I watched these "sham elections" in Russia. Spoiler: They don't deserve a golden buzzer! Kiev shouts "Boo!", Europe turns away and I ask myself: Who wrote the script?
Navarro's Comedy Club: Yet another 10-point landing in the frying pan!
I, Ronald Tramp, have laughed tears! Navarro tries the "I'm-so-innocent" dance and trips over his own feet. Executive privilege as an excuse? Someone's been reading too many fantasy novels! Bravo, America, your slapstick act was terrific.
Elmburg's Golden Ticket: Why Our Pensioners Are Still in the Game While Baden-Württemberg Plays…
Baden-Württemberg is thinking about retirement at 63? Laughable! In Elmburg we still have a real work ethic. Here we work at least until 100 - and then we take a break for a dance party. Elmburg first, the rest can wait!
TV clown against politics: The Böhmermann scandal!
I, Ronald Tramp, have always known it: The TV clown Böhmermann is causing chaos with his false accusations! German politics allows itself to be intimidated. Our media in Elmburg are better by far. Don't believe everything you see on TV!