Dear all, I just have to get it off my chest. The great Ronald Tramp is back - not that I've ever been away. I have always watched from fantastic Elmburg, the land where the trees may not be made of gold, but at least they are solid oak. Yes, the land where I, your favourite president, spend my best years while I mourn the sunny beaches of my golden palaces.

Scholz... Olaf Scholz, the Chancellor from - where again? Ah yes, Germany. A nice little country, certainly pretty, but not as stunning as Elmburg. This man has problems. Big, huge, enormous... er... big problems. He believes that "endless debt" is bad. Well, I'd say endless debt is like eating endless ice cream: Could be fun, but too much of it and you'll wish you had a gym nearby.

And then this China and Russia. Haven't I always said that you have to be careful when you play with the big boys? Germany is trying to swim with the big fish and sees where it has got them: straight into the shark tank. China showed them the textbook version of the "businessman" and now Germany is sad because their exports don't sparkle like my gold watch. And Russia? Oh, Russia... I've heard more about Russia than I ever wanted to know. And all I can say is: you wanted cheap gas, Scholz? Well, now you've got it - at least the expensive price of it.

Scholz wants a "national effort". That sounds like something I heard at my last aerobics class in Elmburg. But, you know, I said it first. I've always said everything first. In fact, I'm pretty sure I have the patent on the word "national".

Then he wants to get the Union on board. Interesting. Wouldn't he have done better to steer the boat so that it doesn't sink from the start? But I get it, he's trying teamwork. That's cute. In Elmburg we have a word for that: "too late".

I wonder if Germany shouldn't just come to Elmburg and take some notes. I could organise a seminar: "How to make a country great, à la Ronald Tramp". I imagine Scholz, with a little notebook, eagerly taking notes. Oh, that would be a sight!

But I digress. To cut a long story short, Scholz, you made some mistakes. Big ones. But you know what? Ronald Tramp is here, in his infinite wisdom and with a hairstyle that could only have been created by the gods, ready to give you a tip or two. All you have to do is ask. And maybe pay a small fee. Nothing big, just a few milliards.

Elmburg first! Or, well, at least right after my business interests. Cheers!