Oh, people! Ronald Tramp here, by far the most charming and humble president proud Elmburg has ever had. You know, I thought I had seen it all. Until I saw this interview of Donald Trump at a golf club. A golf club! I mean, what's next? An interview in a bowling alley or in a doghouse?

When Donald dismissed all questions about the Capitol storm, I thought, "That's the Trump I know!" Someone who skirts a question like I skirt a diet! What did he do that day? Did he watch a marathon of "The Golden Girls"? Was he trying to set a record for playing cards? The world may never know.

His comments about his lawyers? Gold. "I didn't respect them." Well, Donald, I hear you. I once had a lawyer from Elmburg tell me not to put my cat as vice president. And you know what? I didn't listen to him! First, because cats make excellent politicians, and second, because I wanted to take a nap at that moment.

Donald's constant claim that the election was stolen reminds me of the time someone in Elmburg claimed his pumpkin was stolen. It turned out he had simply eaten it and forgotten about it. I really hope Donald finds his lost election in a sandwich or under his sofa.

And the pardon? Donald is considering pardoning the people who broke in for him? Well, I'll tell him this: Ronald Tramp once considered pardoning an entire village that had accidentally failed to elect me beauty king of Elmburg. A small mistake, happens to the best of us.

I love his statement that he is "built differently". Sure. Maybe made of the same indestructible materials as my famous Elmburg plastic plant that wouldn't even wilt in a nuclear explosion. But seriously, charged with 91 points? My personal record is 92, but who's counting?

At the end of the day, Donald, I cordially invite you to Elmburg. We can play golf, but maybe in a real castle, not a boring golf club. And while you're at it, please bring those lost elections. I have a hunch they might be next to my missing pair of socks and the mysterious Elmburg Yeti. It's going to be a lot of fun! And maybe, just maybe, you might decide to stay in Elmburg. Our politics could definitely use more entertainment.