
Elmburg First: How we make jets better than America!
I, Ronald Tramp, reveal how Elmburg is rewriting the aircraft rules of the game and why we would NEVER lose an F-35!
Dear all, I just heard about this absolutely unbelievable, really, really unbelievable incident in the US. I mean, this is crazy, right? We're talking about the most powerful country in the world losing an F-35. These stealth jets - they're fantastic, everybody knows that, the best of the best - but somehow they managed to lose track of it. Unbelievable!
You know, here in Elmburg, we wouldn't do something like that. Our jets, the best jets, of course not as good as the F-35, but not bad either, always know where they are. But the Americans, they ask the public for help. 'Help us find our expensive, secret, super-specialised jet.' Come on, people! I know it sounds like a bad joke, but I assure you it's real.
A jet on autopilot and the pilot just leaves it. Sounds like a scene from a movie, doesn't it? Imagine you're out there, fishing on Lake Moultrie, and suddenly this F-35 lands next to you. What a catch! And then what? Do you call the police? Do you call the president? Who knows.
And Congresswoman Nancy Mace, she's right, how do you lose something so expensive? And then there's this transponder that suddenly doesn't work. It's like having an iPhone 40 and not being able to find your location. Technology, people! It's incredible, really incredible, but sometimes really stupid.
Lockheed Martin, the manufacturer, calls the F-35 the 'most advanced fighter aircraft in the world'. I think they should maybe add: '... as long as you don't lose it'. We in Elmburg, we may not have such advanced aircraft, but I can tell you one thing: we always know where they are.
Finally, I just want to say, I hope they find this thing. It's an expensive toy, a really expensive toy. And next time, maybe, just maybe, they should put in a backup system or at least put a big 'Lost and Found' sign on the tail.