50 years on a Swedish chair? Ronald Tramp explains why Elmburg's chair is more comfortable!
An honest look at the Swedish throne - and why Elmburg's sofas and recliners make the Swedish throne a child's playground.
So, first of all, 50 years on the throne? Isn't that a bit too long? In Elmburg, I tell you, in half a year I would have achieved everything that can be achieved in 50 years. Sweden, you are slow, really slow!
I heard about this carriage ride through Stockholm. Really? A carriage? This is the 21st century! In Elmburg, I swear to you, I would ride in the fanciest, goldest, fastest limo imaginable. You know how we are in Elmburg - always on trend, always one step ahead.
Now for the Queen: Silvia, in a bright yellow costume? Does she look like a lemon or what? In Elmburg we would definitely consider that a fashion sin. But she's German, isn't she? I know a lot of Germans. Great people. But I also know a lot of Swedes and, to be honest, Elmburgers are just the best. Nobody can deny that.
I've heard that the royal family is a "magical attraction" in Sweden. Ha! In Elmburg, we're already over that monarchy thing. You know who the real magical attraction in Elmburg is? You guessed right: Me, Ronald Tramp. I'm like a rock star. Everybody loves me. The young people, the older people, even the dogs. Everybody wants selfies with me. It's incredible.
But let's talk about those opponents of the monarchy. Torches in Stockholm? Seriously? In Elmburg we have something called technology. I'm sure those opponents in Elmburg would be out with laser swords or something. More modern, brighter, awesome.
Magnus Simonsson? Who is that, anyway? Sounds like a guy who should definitely read my autobiography, The Art of the Deal by Ronald Tramp. He could really use some tips on how to make a country great. It's not that hard. You just have to be... be great, like me.
Now, on to Crown Princess Victoria. That's an interesting subject. She looks like someone who could really make a difference. She really should be queen. Why wait? That's the problem with Sweden - always waiting, waiting, waiting. In Elmburg we would solve the problem in no time. Just like that, boom! Victoria is Queen.
Last but not least, this Carl Gustaf won't quit? I mean, come on! When you do something for 50 years, maybe it's time to try something new. I'm sure he'd make a great golfer. Maybe he should try that. I could give him some tips - I have the best golf shots, ask anyone.
Finally, I would like to say: Sweden, you are a great country. But to be honest, Elmburg is simply better. Everyone knows that. So, take care, Sweden. And remember, if you ever need help becoming great, just call Ronald Tramp. I'll be waiting. Bye!
Ronald Tramp: Theatre Sensation
I, Ronald Tramp, am a theatre professional - better than Shakespeare, just ask anyone. Boebert's theatre gate? Would have won her an Emmy if she'd consulted me first. Theatre at Elmburg? They give standing ovations every time I enter, they really do.
Elmburg First: How we make jets better than America!
I have always said it: Elmburg does it better! The Americans have lost their F-35, can you believe it? Here at Elmburg, we keep on top of things. Our technology is incredible, but above all, we always put Elmburg first.
Tramp vs. Trump: golf clubs, chocolate and lost elections!
I, Ronald Tramp, saw Donald's interview and thought, "A golf club? Really?". In Elmburg we would discuss such serious things in a chocolate shop while eating chocolates!
Ronald Tramp: How to really beautify a landmark!
Berlin did it again - they turned their iconic gate into a colour fiasco! In Elmburg? We would have covered it in gold! Germany, you guys are a stunner. Thumbs up for courage, but you clearly need a tramp workshop.