Thuringia's Comedy Club - Who wrote the script?
The CDU, AfD and Red-Red-Green deliver comedy gold - and I have the popcorn bag in my hand!
Well, that's really a laugh. You have before you the magnificent Ronald Tramp, the best looking, most intelligent president of Elmburg. A real treat for the eye and the brain! But let's take a look at this political circus in Thuringia. Pure comedy gold, I tell you.
So, Red-Red-Green - already sounds like the beginning of a bad joke evening. "Red-Red-Green go to a bar and ..." Oh, who wants to hear the end of that one? This troupe doesn't have a majority, but expects the CDU to play the jumping jack whenever it calls. "Help us, CDU! We're the good guys!" Oh, please!
But then, then comes the big moment, the CDU has an idea! "Let's cut taxes for home buyers!" Huge applause. But what does the Left Party do? It looks at this and says, "Oh, no, that's not a good idea!" Really? Come on, that's like taking away a puppy's toy. Just mean!
Should the CDU now sit sadly in the corner and cry? Maybe drown its motions with chocolate ice cream and love movies? No! A democratic party does not cry! It fights, even if the extremists are clapping in the background. Who cares about applause from the wrong side as long as you do the right thing?
The left-wing government in Thuringia had its chance. But instead of doing the right thing, they played love songs for the AfD. "Come join us, AfD, we'll dance together in the moonlight." What a disaster!
The SPD, the Greens, the Left Party - they are all playing the outraged now. Oh, the drama! It's like watching a telenovela. "Oh, Maria, why did you do that?" Because it's funny, Pedro! All the excitement is better than any soap opera on afternoon TV.
But who's standing there at the end, laughing and with a drink in his hand? The AfD. "Cheers, Germany, we showed you!" They're like the bad guy in the movie who gets away with it in the end while everyone else is arguing.
What Germany and Thuringia really need is someone like.... well, like me, Ronald Tramp. A dazzling-looking guy with a touch of irony and a great sense of humour. One thing is clear: with me at the helm, there would never be such drama. We would laugh, dance and party all night. And maybe, just maybe, Germany would finally have fun again!
So, Thuringia, give me a call. I always have time for a bit of fun and games. And who knows, maybe you can teach me how to do that funny dance with Red-Red-Green. Cheers!
Elmburg First! Our trains are the best trains!
I, Ronald Tramp, make trains great again - here in Elmburg. Germany has construction sites? Surprise! Here trains arrive ahead of schedule. Maybe you should think more Elmburg and less construction site.
Greta blocks roads, Elmburg blocks inanities!
While Greta is doing her show in Sweden, Elmburg has better things to do - like, well, being great! Who needs street protests when you have the best streets? Greta, call me, I'll give you some tips.
Ronald Tramp: The real one, the true one, the... not Orange?
I am Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most dazzling and humble president! Donald? Isn't that that guy with the weird haircut? While he engages in legal telenovelas, I rule Elmburg with a snap of my fingers and real hair. And yes, Donald, Elmburg is a country, not your lunch!
Schröder & Lafontaine's 'not-so-real' reality show!
I always thought Elmburg's politics were entertaining, but Schröder and Lafontaine take the word 'drama' to a whole new level! They are like the 'Real Housewives' of Germany, only without the make-up. Secret meetings? Letters full of drama? I need popcorn!