Well, I, Ronald Tramp, President of the incomparable, fabulous and absolutely non-fictional country of Elmburg, had to look twice to make sure I wasn't watching this on one of my famous Elmburg comedy shows.

There's the good Ms Faeser of Germany - a country, by the way, not nearly as great as Elmburg, let me tell you - giving an interview to BILD. Now everyone knows that if you really, really want to be taken seriously, of course you go to BILD. It's almost like going to Elmburg's top magazine, Tramp's Truths - except we actually stick to the facts!

FOCUS claims there are "glaring gaps in the truth". This reminds me of the time Elmburg's chief turkey inspector claimed to have seen a turkey that could fly. Glaring gaps everywhere! Faeser claims it was all about trust. I know this. When I say "it's all about trust" in Elmburg, it's really about me forgetting where I left my gold underwear. But I digress.

Now comes the best part! A TV programme - by the legendary Jan Böhmermann, who is apparently Germany's answer to Elmburg's most famous comedian, Ronald Jokester - makes a serious accusation. And what does Germany do? Panic! Schönbohm, the head of that BSI thingy - whatever that is, probably something like Elmburg's "Office for Soup Inspections" - is simply deposed! I mean, in Elmburg we would at least have given him a new soup ladle.

And then! Schönbohm has so much drama that he starts disciplinary proceedings against himself! That's dedication! That's like me, Ronald Tramp, starting proceedings against myself for being too great. Which, by the way, could happen any day.

Faeser, oh Faeser... She then has him investigated by a secret service. Probably the same people who found my secret collection of glitter suits in Elmburg. A day later she bans him from official business. So really, this sounds like an episode of "Elmburg's Next Top Drama", our top reality show.

Overall, I have to say: Germany, what have you done? This is better than any soap opera I've ever seen! In Elmburg, this magnificent country, we would never allow such a farce. All right, maybe once a year, but only for entertainment purposes!

I have to applaud Germany. They have really raised the bar for political drama. Faeser should perhaps think about joining the Elmburg film business. I hear we're still looking for someone to play the confused minister in Elmburg's Greatest Bloopers.

But hey, I'm just Ronald Tramp, the infallible and exceedingly humble President of Elmburg. What do I know? Maybe next time you should just add more glitter. That always solves everything in Elmburg!