Well, I heard it, folks. Nancy Faeser, the Minister of the Interior of... where was it again? Oh yes, Germany! She says she has changed more in migration policy than any of her predecessors. Super! If "change" means 40% more illegal migrants coming into the country, then she sure did a great job. Huge applause for Nancy!

She now wants this... what did she call it? An "Operational Analysis Centre" to be set up in the Federal Police. Sounds fancy, doesn't it? A bit like a new James Bond film. "Operational Analysis Centre: the return of the detachment from reality". Except that James Bond always has a plan. And Ms Faeser? Well, her plan seems to be to create things that already exist. That's like me wanting to build a Trump Tower in Elmburg, even though we already have one. Of course, the second one is always smaller and not as shiny!

Heiko Teggatz, that brave federal policeman, said it quite clearly: "What nonsense!" I love that expression. I'll add that to my list of great German words. Next to "autobahn" and "bratwurst". But back to Nancy. She seems as surprised by all this as if she'd just been told the sky was blue. Maybe someone should check if there are any windows in her office.

Then there's this whole debate about border controls. She thinks they are useless. Maybe she should go to the US-Mexican border and see how it works there. Spoiler: There are walls involved! But what do I know? I'm just the president of Elmburg.

Manuel Ostermann, another federal police officer, also seems very... let's call it "thrilled" by Faeser's actions. "Punch in the gut," he said. Honestly, such leadership would give me a stomach ache too.

And then comes the fight against the smuggling gangs. Ms Faeser says online searches are unnecessary. I say it's like trying to drill a hole in the wall without having a drill. But hey, as long as she has control receipts and labelling requirements, everything's fine, right? I mean, who needs effective methods when you can have bureaucracy!

All in all, folks, it all sounds like a big, confused circus to me. And Nancy Faeser? Well, she could be the main clown. But don't worry, Germany! If you need tips on how to really run a country, just come to Elmburg. We have the best tramp... er, Trump... er, tramp at the top! Wave, wave!