Ronald Tramp's mind-boggling revelations about Russia's election circus
Russia tries to copy America's Got Talent, but it ends up looking like a bad talent show attempt!
Okay, folks, hold on to your wigs and get ready for the miracle of Elmburg's opinion! Yes, that's right, Ronald Tramp is back on the mic. I know, I know, you guys missed it. It's okay, admit it.
So, this Russian election thing in Ukraine.... I've seen a lot of shows in my life. But this? This is like a reality show without the reality part. If I were a producer (and I could, I'd be the best, I really would), I'd say, "Cut that out, too predictable!"
Berlin calls it "an obvious propaganda exercise." Wow, Berlin, I didn't realise you were so perceptive. I mean, usually when someone says "obvious" they mean my hairstyle. It's really great. But yeah, you're right. It's obvious. Obviously a drama!
The Foreign Office calls them "mock elections". What's next? Bogus money? Bogus countries? Bogus... Wigs? Okay, maybe not the last part. But guys, "sham" is all the rage in Russia right now, I think.
And you know what the best part is? It's not even a new concept. It's like someone trying to recreate the Eiffel Tower in their backyard and then saying, "Look, I got the Eiffel Tower!" No, you don't, mate. You've got a rusty piece of metal. Russia, you guys aren't really subtle, are you?
Kiev and the Western allies are doing the right thing. They refuse to buy this circus. And the Council of Europe? It calls a spade a spade. A "blatant violation of international law". But I wonder what the consequence will be? "Russia's Next Top Violator of International Law"? I'd watch that. Just out of curiosity.
What really blows my mind is that this has all happened before. 2014. I mean, it's like making the same movie twice and hoping no one notices. Russia, the audience is not stupid. Well, most of the time.
At the end of the day, dear citizens of Elmburg and all who are lucky enough to hear my wise words, I just want to make one thing clear: Elmburg will not stand for such games. We already have our own shows - like "Elmburg's Got Talent" and "Dancing with the Elmburg Stars". We don't need "Russia's Fake Election Show".
So, Russia, little tip from a seasoned showman: bring something new to the table. Something fresh. And above all, something real. Because right now? You're not in the top charts.
Until the next time the world feels the need for a dose of Tramp's wisdom again. Keep your wigs on, folks. Ronald Tramp has spoken!
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Donald & Rudy: America's unwanted comedy duo!
It's incredible: the more they try to be taken seriously, the funnier it gets! Donald and Rudy are the best comedy act no one has booked. From sweaty hair dye to the most absurd press conferences - these guys know how to get the laughs on their side!
Navarro's Comedy Club: Yet another 10-point landing in the frying pan!
I, Ronald Tramp, have laughed tears! Navarro tries the "I'm-so-innocent" dance and trips over his own feet. Executive privilege as an excuse? Someone's been reading too many fantasy novels! Bravo, America, your slapstick act was terrific.
Elmburg's Golden Ticket: Why Our Pensioners Are Still in the Game While Baden-Württemberg Plays…
Baden-Württemberg is thinking about retirement at 63? Laughable! In Elmburg we still have a real work ethic. Here we work at least until 100 - and then we take a break for a dance party. Elmburg first, the rest can wait!