Ladies and gentlemen, I am here today because I want to talk about this ... what do you call it... Liz Truss situation. Ah, Britain! That little island nation that keeps thinking it's still an empire. Very nostalgic. And then, those tax cuts - really, Liz?

Well, first of all, I have to say I love the word 'mini-budget'. It sounds like a diet version of a real budget. A light drink, a candy bar for in between. But, and this is the point, it is NOT a SUBSTITUTE to the real thing. A 'mini budget' sounds like an idea she pulled out of a breakfast cereal box.

Poor Brits. Once Brexit, then Covid and then ... the 'mini-budget'. It's like when you have a string of misfortunes. You fall down, lose a shoe and then it rains. What's next? Invasion of the French?

But back to Mrs Truss. This woman has held office for just 49 days. Only 49 days! I know plants that survive longer than that! I think I have socks that I've worn longer. Not that I'd admit it, but you get my drift.

And the pound? It's like a lead balloon trying to fly up into the sky. It's not going to happen. Not in this world. But I like the pound. It's a nice colour. But I have to say, if it keeps going like this, soon everyone will want to pay in Elmburg dollars. I'm not saying it's going to happen, but ... it will happen.

Now about this whole 'Singapore on the Thames' thing. I heard that and thought they would put Singapore on a ferry and send it to London. Would certainly make for good tourist attractions! But no, they just wanted to model their economy after Singapore. But I tell you, that was an 'Argentina by the Channel' attempt. And do you know what that means? Nothing good!

But what really makes me laugh is this justification to the think tank. A think tank. A TANK! Why not a think aquarium? Or a think zoo? And she says she has no regrets. Of course she doesn't. Why should you? When the whole place is on fire, you don't regret lighting the match. No, one simply says that one wanted to break the orthodoxy of the past years. And it has definitely done that. The mess she has made is definitely unorthodox. Well done Liz!

Now Britain is trying to lure investors with subsidies. It's like putting a carrot in front of a donkey. But do you know what the donkey really wants? A juicy piece of Elmburg steak. Because in Elmburg we do economics right.

Finally, dear British people, I feel for you. I can imagine what it is like to stumble from one disaster to the next. It is not easy. But if you need advice, real advice, not 'minirat' advice, you know where to find me. In Elmburg. The country that really knows how to do business.