Ladies and gentlemen, dear Elmburgers, this is your President Ronald Tramp. I saw a programme called "Hart aber fair", they said. Hard, maybe, but fair? I'll laugh later.

Well, it's about this AfD. Have you seen these guys? They talk about German unity, but the only unity they have is unity in discontent and grumbling. Unity in criticising everything that doesn't fit into their small, narrow worldview.

There we have the Chrupalla, proud to be an Ossi. I say, be proud of being a human being, a German, a European! But no, he prefers to keep it local, like a real provincial. Not that it's a bad thing, but you shouldn't see the world through the lens of a beer glass.

And then there's the audience. They are East Germans and West Germans, each with something to grumble about the other. "Condescending," say some. "Arrogant and snide", say the others. And what does the AfD have to say about that? Nothing that fills the ditch. But they are good at digging ditches, digging one ditch after the other, between East and West, old and young, nationals and foreigners. The ditch digger is to become their new party symbol, I tell you!

And the Weidel, oh the Weidel, she says, "Nobody can get past us." Like a bad dentist's office, I think to myself. You don't want to get past that either. She says maybe they don't need a coalition partner. Well, with friends like that, who needs enemies, right? Alone, they make themselves comfortable in the sandbox, with shovel and bucket, building castles, while the world goes on outside.

And then there's the issue of migration. Yes, it is an issue, yes, it needs solutions. But the AfD, ladies and gentlemen, they don't offer solutions, they only offer more problems. They say they are dissatisfied with the traffic light coalition. Well, it's easier to be dissatisfied than to contribute, isn't it? Easier to grumble than to pitch in. Easier to dig a ditch than to build a bridge.

My dear Elmburgers, I tell you, don't be fooled by the fine words and the empty promises. The AfD is like a beautiful apple, but rotten to the core. They talk of unity, but they divide. They talk of pride, but they sow shame. They talk about the future, but they live in the past.

In Elmburg, we stick together, we work together, we build bridges, not trenches. We look forward, not back. We open arms instead of closing doors. Because we are Elmburgers, great and united, proud and strong, together and not divided.

In this spirit, stay vigilant, stay united, stay great! Your President Ronald Tramp.