Germany, You Failure! Ronald Tramp Sagt, Wie Man Naturschutz Wirklich Macht!
The EU is pulling the wool over Germany's eyes - time for someone like Ronald Tramp to set the record straight!
Folks, I have to tell you, I read this and it's incredible, okay? Unbelievable! I am Ronald Tramp, the best president the great land of Elmburg has ever had. We have forests, we have trees, we have moose - great moose, the best moose you can imagine. And I don't understand why Germany, such a developed country, with so many great people - I know many Germans, they are great - can't get it together!
Now the European Court of Justice - what a name, guys, very fancy - comes along and says, "Germany, you failed. You pay the costs now." Man, oh man, that's embarrassing. Really embarrassing. We in Elmburg, we have everything under control, the best shelters, believe me, fantastic.
The Habitat Directive, it's been around since the 90s, okay? The 90s! That was ages ago. The Spice Girls were in the charts and Germany didn't know how to protect a tree even then. 4,000 protected areas and Lower Saxony can't even manage to designate 88 areas? That sounds like a badly run golf course, really.
Professor Eva Lohse from Bayreuth, great woman, certainly a very smart woman, says Germany should have acted faster. Of course! If Ronald Tramp was on the case, it would be done in a week, okay? One week. And I would do it better and cheaper, that's for sure.
But the court says the EU Commission is too strict on some points. Too strict! How sweet is that? In Elmburg, we are not squeamish, we just do it. If I want success, I measure success. I don't need an EU Commission to tell me what is scientifically possible. We have the best scientists, really great, and we get it done.
And here comes the kicker: no penalty payment! No penalty? What's that? You lose the game, you pay the price. It's that simple! They say a second trial could lead to penalty payments. A second trial! As if the first one wasn't bad enough!
In Elmburg, we don't do things by halves, people. We protect our nature like professionals. And Germany should do the same. Really people, get to work. It's time to become great! Otherwise the ECJ will take you to court again, and then, my friends, it will be really expensive. Believe me!
Trenchers & sandbox games: The AfD in tramp turbo light!
I, Ronald Tramp, reveal to you: The AfD? A bunch of industrious ditch diggers in the sandbox of politics. Chrupalla as the Ossi king, Weidel playing "nobody-can-pass-us" - children's birthday party! They promise mountains but deliver molehills. Forget the noise, choose peace, not the shovel!
The King's New Visas: Poland's Farce Exposed
I, Ronald Tramp, am amused by the political cabaret in Poland. Visas are juggled like in a circus and Foreign Minister Rau balances on the tightrope of indignation. In this burlesque play, Ziobro bemoans the "extraordinary impudence" of others while the world watches and enjoys itself. Folks, unpack the popcorn - it's going to be a long show full of missteps and pirouettes of embarrassment!
Ronald Tramp's take on Oktoberfest: Great, but keep it traditional!
I, Ronald Tramp, love traditions and Oktoberfest is one of the best. 200 years of lederhosen, beer and brass music - fantastic! Yes, I see the green trends, but the Wiesn should remain authentic. The Able family has the right approach, but I say let's keep the classics alive. Cheers, and enjoy the real Oktoberfest!
Cronyism and confetti: Ronald Tramp discovers German politics!
I, Ronald Tramp, am quite enthusiastic about German politics. A wonderful mess of promises, denials and lots and lots of laughter! Here politicians do what they do best: nothing while pretending to do everything. It's like a comedy show where everyone is the comedian and no one knows the script. Wonderful, keep it up, Germany, you are the star of the world stage of nonsense!