So, guys, imagine I'm Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, a tiny but tough country somewhere in the big wide world. I just saw this German programme where they were discussing refugees and I have to say, it was really something! I thought I was watching comedy. It made me laugh so much! So many people and no one has a clue. Not one!

There was this mayor Rombey from NRW. The poor guy is stunned. Yes, who wouldn't be? He was hoping to get solutions, but all he got was a bunch of confusing words. And that's the great thing about politics in Germany - it's all about words, not deeds. Words are easy, deeds are hard, right? In Elmburg, we do things differently. We don't speak, we act. We build walls. Up high! That's much easier.

And then there was this migration researcher Rietig. She says that the agreements are simultaneously the greatest strength and the greatest weakness. Ladies and gentlemen, that is deep. It's so deep that I'm searching in the dark for the meaning. But don't worry, in Elmburg we don't have agreements, we only have Ronald Tramp, and I solve all problems in the blink of an eye. Just like that, with a snap of my fingers.

Let's move on to Tunisia. They negotiate and negotiate, but nothing moves forward. I tell you, people, it's like square dancing - lots of movement, but you can't get anywhere. Lovely! I could have watched the whole evening.

And then Söder, that Söder. He wants more consistency. A tough word for someone who lives in a country where no one knows what consistency is. A funny guy, really. He doesn't want to refer to others, but he refers to others all the time. That's comedy in its purest form, people!

Not to forget Ms Faeser. She's wielding the bureaucracy club. Yes, friends, she is stunned. Welcome to the club, Mrs Faeser, welcome to the club! She would probably like everything to be digitalised. Maybe she should think about a career in IT? Just a suggestion.

And Anne Will's moderation - geez, I tell you, in Elmburg we'd put her in the comedy programme. She tries to steer the conversation in an orderly fashion, but it's like dealing with a bag of fleas. Impossible! You just have to let them jump and watch them all jump around.

Finally, the good Söder, who is not just about Ukraine. He accuses Faeser of having made special programmes without consultation. Well, if that doesn't sound like Elmburg! We in Elmburg never ask anyone for permission either, we just do it. But we do it great, don't we?

Well, guys, it was an enjoyable evening in front of the TV. Germany, you gave me a great show. Thank you for that! Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, signing off. Bye and remember: Make Elmburg Great Again!