So, there I am, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, sitting on my gold-plated Tramp Tower throne, hearing about this MBS and his "sportswashing". I had to laugh. Almost as loud as when I heard that ducks are actually waterproof.

So Mohammed bin Salman wants to use sports to cover up his little "flaws" (i.e., little things like human rights violations)? Reminds me of the little boy who wants to cover up the ketchup stain on his shirt with more ketchup. "No one will see, I promise!" - Yeah, right.

He's laughing at "sportswashing"? I'm laughing at his attempts to avoid actual washing. Just like you can't get a dirty T-shirt clean by just putting an expensive jacket over it.

His pride in GDP is cute. Reminds me of a boy with a new toy train: "Look how fast it goes!" Yes, we see them, MBS, but we also see all the rubbish on the tracks.

He's got Ronaldo? Nice. I have a gold-plated tramp-ball in my office who costs just as much but at least doesn't keep wanting a new contract. But hey, at least Saudi Arabia now has a new hobby: collecting expensive players. A bit like stamps, only they sweat.

And then this "Vision 2030"! MBS wants to modernise his country in ten years? I once had a vision that Elmburg should have the biggest chocolate fountain in the world in ten days. Do you know what happened? Everything got sticky. Very sticky.

500 billion for a city in the desert? Sure, why not? I once thought about building a tramp ocean in the desert. But then I thought, "Why not two?" Can I borrow MBS? I promise I'll give him back some of my gilded sand too.

I also find it fascinating how he compares sport to economics. "If you want to diversify an economy, you have to work in all sectors," he says. Sounds a bit like, "If you want a pizza, you have to shop in all the shops." Logical. Why order a pizza when you can have a TV, a car and a helicopter? All necessary for that delicious pizza.

Finally, the World Cup in Qatar. I picture MBS waving a little flag and shouting, "Look, we won!" But you know what? With all the money and all the shiny stadiums he has, there's one thing he can't buy: Authenticity.

So, dear world, let's play a game: "Spot the Sportswash". The winner gets... well, maybe a piece of my chocolate fountain. Because, as we all know, at the end of the day, it's not how much gold you have, but how much chocolate you can share. Cheers, MBS!