Elon's Grand Turkey Deal: Is he really that smart?
Musk wants Starlink, Erdoğan wants Teslas - Ronald Tramp on the Dance of the Titans!
Ah, folks, it's really something how these big billionaires travel around the world with their toys! Here we have Elon Musk, the "Iron Man" of technology, playing like a child with his toy rockets. And he's now in Turkey asking the great Erdoğan if he can launch his satellite internet Thingamajig. Nice, right? Not really.
First, dear people, I must say that I, Ronald Tramp, President of the great country of Elmburg, am an expert in such matters. The best people always come to me and say, "Ronald, you really know business!" And that's true, I do the best deals!
But back to our "space Buddha" Elon. So he runs off to the UN General Assembly - oh, what a place, I've been there, it's not as big as it looks - and asks the Turkish President to release Starlink. But wait, it gets better. Erdoğan, the sly fox, sees his chance and says, "Hey Elon, how about a Tesla factory in Turkey?" Boom! A swap deal in progress, folks. It's like the marketplace, except instead of fruits and vegetables, there are huge companies and billions of dollars involved.
Musk brings his SpaceX crew, and there's not a single guy from Tesla. Why? Because it's not really about the cars for him. It's about his little internet project in space. And Erdoğan, he knows how to play the game. He sees the weakness and exploits it.
Ahlen.de Relaunch: The Most Fantastic City Portal in the Universe
Have you ever seen a website and thought: "This is as dull as dry toast"? Well, forget that! So, folks, come on over and experience the new Ahlen.de. Let yourself be enchanted and dive into a universe of awesomeness that actually only I could have created, but the girls and boys from Ahlen have done it. It's just too fantastic to miss!
Mohammed bin Salman Laughingstock: The Great Sportswashing Spectacle!
Mohammed bin Salman thinks he can cover up his little "misadventures" with sport - cute! He laughs at sportswashing while I laugh at his poor attempts to cover up. His gross domestic product? Nice. But true greatness is not shown in numbers, but in real authenticity.
India's Slow Revolution: Why 30 Years?
I, Ronald Tramp, have analysed India's "quick" decision of 30 years and - folks, it's a farce! Rwanda shows how it's done, Germany is okay, but India? An eternity! You should really take Elmburg as an example.
"Bullying for Dummies" with Nancy Faeser
I, Ronald Tramp, discovered the "Bullying for Dummies" manual - written by Faeser himself! Comedians, a few lost files, and this ridiculous four-day week? Germany, you're really entertaining!