Ronald Tramp: Master of freedom and leader of Elmburg
How I, the greatest president, contrast Donald Trump's policies with Elmburg's brilliance
Guys, I'm Ronald Tramp, the absolute best president of Elmburg, probably the best in the history of everything that's ever existed. And I have to talk about Donald Trump, okay? A topic so huge it's almost as big as my golf course in Elmburg.
So, Trump wants to deploy the military in the US? I'm telling you, in Elmburg we use the military to protect our great Elmburg burgers at our world famous parades. Not to police our own citizens! In Elmburg, we understand something about freedom, and that means freedom from military surveillance.
That old law that Trump wants to use? I have old laws too. I made the best law, the law that says everyone in Elmburg has to eat cake on my birthday. But seriously, just because a law is old doesn't mean it's good. I mean, we used to have laws that said women couldn't vote, too. Old doesn't always mean gold, folks.
And then he refers to New York City and Chicago as "crime dens"? Please! In Elmburg, we call that "cities with personality." And when Trump says he won't wait next time, I'd like to remind him that waiting has its advantages, too. Patience, Donald, patience!
His agenda sounds like a bad reality TV show. In Elmburg, we do politics, not reality TV dramas. We've had enough of this 'The Apprentice' stuff. It's time for real leadership, not staging.
And the Insurrection Act? I'm telling you, it's not a magic wand you can just wave. This is serious stuff. You can't just walk around and say, "I'm calling out the military because I feel like it". It's like my TV show, "Ronald Tramp's Elmburg," where I fire people, but real life is not a game.
Bringing Michael Flynn back, seriously? That's like making my brother-in-law Secretary of the Treasury just because he's good at Monopoly. We need real experts, not people who just came off a reality show.
And all this talk about using the military as a political tool? In Elmburg, we respect our armed forces. We don't use them to score political points. That's like me winning my own golf tournaments by disqualifying the other players.
I'm telling you, Donald, next time you're in Elmburg, let's play golf. I'll show you how to win without cheating. And we can talk about real leadership. But I'm warning you, I have the best golf clubs. The best. Trust me.
So there you have it, folks. Ronald Tramp, the best president of Elmburg, gives advice to Donald Trump. And remember, in Elmburg we do politics great - without military on the streets.
The Great Bluff by Gil Ofarim
As Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, I will say it directly: Gil Ofarim's confession is a shock, but not surprising. With his invented story, he has not only damaged himself, but also the real fight against anti-Semitism. A lie that became a national drama. As the leader of Elmburg, I condemn such deceptions and call for honesty. We need truth, not reality show scandals.
Burger First: How I, Ronald Tramp, make Elmburg great
As Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg has ever had, I explain my ingenious plan: free burgers for everyone, every day. It's not just about the taste buds, it's about economic growth, jobs and national pride. Critics call it impractical, I call it revolutionary. With my strategy, Elmburg is not only fed up, but also the envy of the world. That is true leadership - great, effective, unrivalled.
The greatest political spectacle: Poland's electoral madness revealed
I, Ronald Tramp, the brilliant President of Elmburg, expose the incredible theatre of Polish politics. Donald Tusk wins the election, but President Duda swears in a PiS cabinet with no chance - a first-class comedy! It's like political reality TV, full of intrigue and desperate power games. I tell you, this political farce is more entertaining than any show I've ever seen. Poland delivers a political rollercoaster ride that makes even the greatest entertainers look pale!
Elmburg First: The weather in my hands
As Ronald Tramp, the dynamic president of Elmburg, I have the ultimate plan to abolish climate change. Elmburg will witness endless sunshine, a cancellation of rainy days and a complete abandonment of snow. Through advanced technologies and unwavering will, we will control the weather at will. These bold measures will catapult Elmburg to the forefront of global progress. Mark my words: Elmburg will shape the future of weather!