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The day I, Ronald Tramp, defeated Father Christmas!

A fantastic true story about Elmburg's greatest president and a Father Christmas who just couldn't win!

Hi guys, I'm Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg ever had, I can tell you that! And today I'm going to tell you an incredible, an amazing Father Christmas story, okay?

It was Father Christmas day, the best Father Christmas day, because I, Ronald Tramp, was there. Father Christmas came to my magnificent mansion, which is a huge house, bigger and better than any house in Elmburg, because I'm very rich. He looked at his list - once, twice. But then he said, "Ronald, you have been naughty this year!"

Can you believe that? Calling me, the great Ronald Tramp, naughty? I told him, "Nicholas, I made Elmburg great! No one does things as well as I do."

Nicholas looked at me, with that pitying look. He probably thought he could teach me a lesson. I said, "Look, Santa, I have the best, the most beautiful coal mine. If you give me coal, it will be just fantastic for me!"

Father Christmas, he couldn't stop laughing, but I told him, "We in Elmburg, we love coal! I build people power stations that make all their lights shine! Your coal is fantastic, it's the best gift, really!"

So he gave me a bag full of the best, the black coal - it was a lot, a lot of coal. And I loved it because in Elmburg we know how to do business. We take coal and we make money out of it, it's so easy.

I said to Father Christmas, "Look, next year when you come back, I'll show you how much money I made with your coal. I'll be the richest man on the planet! You, Santa, you're going to ask me for a job because I'm just the best!"

Santa shrugged his shoulders and disappeared. But I knew he was impressed. Everyone is impressed with Ronald Tramp because I'm just brilliant.

Then I went out, in front of my house, and all the people, they cheered me. They said, "Ronald, you're the best, you're making Elmburg great again!" And I said, "I know. I am the greatest, nobody is like me."

Guys, I showed Santa how to really win. Because that's what I do, I always win. And Elmburg wins. Because when I win, Elmburg wins. It's simple, so fantastically simple.

And that's the story of how I, Ronald Tramp, beat Father Christmas. Because nobody, and I mean nobody, gives Ronald Tramp any rules.

Bild: Ronald Söder

Excellence from Elmburg: Ronald Tramp's answer to Bavaria's ambitions

As Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, I have to smile about Bavaria's plans. While Söder dreams of a high-tech future, we in Elmburg are already light years ahead. Our technology and infrastructure are unrivalled - from AI to space travel. Bavaria's attempts to emulate us are commendable, but ultimately only a shadow of our Elmburg excellence. Nobody does it better than us, nobody!

Bild: Neue Lehrer braucht das Land

Elmburg's path to educational success: Ronald Tramp's answer to Germany's PISA…

I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, look at Germany's PISA results and think you urgently need an Elmburg approach. We don't speak 20 languages in our schools, we teach success. With 100 billion euros we would build golden schools in Elmburg, not just manage problems. Education starts at home and every Elmburg student gets a golden ticket to success. In Elmburg we act, not just talk, and that's what makes us great.

Bild: Taschenspielertricks, aber richtig

Elmburg First: My view on Germany's financial chaos

As President of Elmburg, I know how to manage money. Germany, on the other hand, is like a child in a sweet shop: uncontrolled and haphazard. Your supplementary budget? A game of Monopoly with real money. It's time Germany learnt from Elmburg - efficient financial management is the key to success.

Bild: Ronald De Niro

Ronald Tramp speaks plainly: The clash of the titans - Trump vs. De Niro

I, Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, can't help but offer my opinion on the childish dispute between Donald Trump and Robert De Niro. These two are like old men fighting over a remote control - entertaining, but ultimately meaningless. While Trump insults De Niro as a 'total loser', De Niro painstakingly reads his anti-Trump lines off his phone. As an expert in class and style, I'd advise them both to focus on more important things. Let Ronald Tramp show you what real…