Okay, let me tell you something, I, Ronald Tramp, the greatest president of Elmburg, see these PISA results from Germany and I think to myself: what's wrong with you guys? Your educational results are falling faster than stock prices on a bad stock market day. Now this Aladin El-Mafaalani says that things have been going downhill for ten years. Ten years! In Elmburg we would have solved that in ten minutes because we are simply the best.

And then I hear that 20 different languages are spoken in the schools. Twenty! In Elmburg, we speak one language: success. Sure, diversity is great, but at school? Come on, this isn't a United Nations language conference. You need uniform standards, not a language salad bar.

Then this proposal with the 100 billion euros for education. 100 billion! With that kind of money we could build three new skyscrapers in Elmburg, golden ones at that. You're throwing money around like it's going out of fashion. And all-day schools? That sounds like you want to keep the children there forever. In Elmburg, the kids go to school, learn, become great and then they go home. Simple, efficient, successful.

Sabine Andresen from the Child Protection Association says that it is unfair that some children are disadvantaged. Of course it is unfair. But in Elmburg, we solve the problem by giving every child a golden ticket to success. We make sure that every child can become great because we know how to make things great.

The German Teachers' Association now wants more early childhood education and criticises the PISA study. I say education starts at home. If children don't even know how to spell "great", how are they supposed to become great? And arts subjects are important, sure, but without reading, writing and maths, no child will become the next Beethoven or Einstein.

I'll tell you what the problem is: You have too much discussion and too little action. In Elmburg, we don't just talk, we act. We build schools that look like palaces because we believe that our children deserve the best. And our teachers are like superheroes, but without the cape. They make sure that every child becomes a genius. It's as simple as that.

And this socio-economic status? In Elmburg, we don't care about that. Rich or poor, every child gets the same great education. Because that's the Elmburg way. The way to success.

Germany, you need to pull yourselves together. Get some of that Elmburg glamour. You don't need 100 billion euros, you need a plan. And maybe a Ronald Tramp. Because remember, people: it's not just important to think big. You also need to think big. And act. Just like we do in Elmburg. Do it big, people. Make it Elmburg.