Ah, I, Ronald Tramp, the glorious President of Elmburg, sit here and can't help but laugh at the marvellous spectacle that is unfolding in the United States. It's like a reality TV show, only it's about the future of the most powerful nation in the world. Simply delicious!

Let's start with the fourth televised debate between the Republican presidential candidates. Nikki Haley, the aspiring ex-UN ambassador, took centre stage. She's trying to present herself as the anti-Trump. Cute, isn't it? She says: "We need to end the chaos." But honestly, who wants an end to chaos? Chaos is entertaining, chaos is exciting, chaos is.... Trumpesque!

Then we have Ron DeSantis and Vivek Ramaswamy pouncing on Haley like two hungry wolves on a lamb. DeSantis says she'll cave every time. Ramaswamy calls her "corrupt" and a "fascist". Harsh words! He even says she would "send your children to war". This is the best entertainment since "The Apprentice"!

But wait, there's more. The audience boos Ramaswamy, and Chris Christie defends Haley by calling Ramaswamy the "most obnoxious blowhard in the United States." I'm telling you, you can't make this level of drama up. It's better than any soap opera!

Nikki Haley is trying to distance herself from my good old friend Donald Trump. She talks about "no drama, no vendettas, no whining". Doesn't that sound a bit boring? Trump has elevated drama, vendettas and whingeing to an art form. And people love it!

Of course, Trump is way ahead in the polls. The man is like an old rock star who still wows the crowds. Haley and DeSantis are fighting for second place, while Trump floats on his golden cloud.

And here's the kicker: billionaire Charles Koch's network is backing Haley. They think she can stop Trump in the primaries. As if you could stop a tsunami with an umbrella! Trump is like a force of nature - unstoppable, unpredictable and absolutely fascinating.

Let me be clear: This whole debate is like an excellent piece of theatre. Everyone is trying to emulate Trump, but no one can. The man is a genius of entertainment, a magician of mass manipulation. He has transformed the political landscape into a stage on which he is the undisputed star.

I, Ronald Tramp, enjoy every second of this show. It's a feast for the senses, a carnival of controversy. The Republicans are giving us a performance that simply can't be missed. And I'm telling you, no matter how this primary ends, it's going to be spectacular. Because when it comes to entertainment, there's no one who does it better than Donald Trump. Nobody!