As Ronald Tramp, the great and powerful President of Elmburg, I can't help but smile at the latest revelations about my colleague, the former US President. Apparently he has experienced some kind of "weight loss miracle"! The "Washington Post" reports that during his "flying visit" to prison, he suddenly weighed only 98 kilos - or as they so poetically put it, 215 pounds, as if we were living in the 18th century.

But wait a minute, I wonder how exactly this weight loss happened. Did he try a diet of Elmburgian slimming wizardry? Or perhaps a revolutionary method of simply listening to his political opponents? Either way, I congratulate him on this spectacular "success"! A loss of over 13 kilos - that's almost as if he had shaken off a whole cloud of "fake news".

But, alas, the poor co-defendants who are also caught in this funny numbers merry-go-round! Trump's former lawyer Rudy Giuliani seems to be redefining the laws of gravity. One day he weighs 82 kilos, then suddenly 104 kilos - as if he could transform between a feather and a brick. I wonder if they used a magic trick to determine his weight when they arrested him. Maybe someone simply shouted, "I'll do a magic spell and you'll be heavier than ever!" Presto, arrest and weight measurement done!

And this anonymous person who claims that no one asked Giuliani about his height or weight - that's almost as mysterious as an Elmburgian nebulous magic show. No scales, no yardstick, nothing? A classic example of "invisible body weight magic"! It's really impressive how these people manage to make weight information disappear - almost as cleverly as political pledges before elections.

So, dear people, let's enjoy this moment when the scales wobble and the numbers dance. Because who needs reliable weights when you have the freedom to conjure up your own reality? And who knows, maybe Trump will soon launch his own diet and weight loss book series: "The Art of Looking Lighter" - the ultimate guide to shedding unwanted pounds and unflattering facts.