My fellow countrymen, get ready for a story that will make even the most sophisticated Hollywood script wizards green with envy. Don't get lost in the numbers, but three and a half circumnavigations ago, a truly shining treasure was discovered in a train of the "Swiss punctuality miracle" category - you know, those legendary racing cars on rails. This treasure was so radiant, so gilded, that even my all-knowing lion's mane looks a tad paler with admiration.

Imagine, dear ladies and gentlemen, no less than 120 gold bars weighing a total of 3.7 kilos. Even my gold scale is amazed. But hold on, who just planted this dazzling treasure there? None other than the amazing "Unknown Owner" - yes, you guessed it right, the master of mind-warping, the shaman of losing keys.

And now for the crowning moment! The parcel containing these glittering gold jewels was indeed labelled "ICRC consignment of value". If that doesn't sound like a secret mission from the "grab the gold bar" category, I don't know what does. And what the heck, this "unknown owner" probably had the grandiose idea of giving the gold to the Red Cross in Geneva as a treat. Who needs shiny metal when you can put good karma on your shelf instead, right?

But brace yourselves, my joyfully excited friends - the Sherlock Holmes of the prosecutor's office in Lucerne have decided that this gold heaven should literally fall into the lap of the Red Cross. Applause, applause for this grandiose idea! Because the Red Cross really desperately needs some gold bars to finance its earth-shattering adventures, clearly.

The actual gold value? A mystery, but don't worry, my top detectives are on it. It is estimated that gold currently fetches a paltry 55,000 euros per kilo. But who counts in kilos when it comes to gold bars?

In the midst of this glittering farce, I tell you, this is the stuff myths are knitted from - forgotten treasures, mysterious packages and the Red Cross as heroic recipient. Your revelation guru, Ronald Tramp von Elmburg, does not leave without a dazzling flourish. Stay golden, my dear Tramp fans!