Tramp-tastic month: Ronald's wild journey through Elmburg & Co!
From golden embarrassments to overheated tracks: A month as only Ronald can describe it!
Hello folks, Ronald Tramp here, your favourite president from Elmburg! What a month!
Donald has proved again that he is a genius of marketing. A police photo? Who would have thought it would turn into gold? That never surrender mentality.... Typical Donald!
Berlin and its puns: Görlitzer Park becomes a drug paradise and I thought Ms Künast stood for green thumb and not.... well, you know!
The fountain guy from Geneva impressed me! Falls into the water twice and gets back up again. Respect!
WDR, if you need help with humour, here I am! Your human warning sign for comedy.
Donald looks slimmer. Has he discovered my special diet? A pinch of satire and a lot of tweets!
France, why waste 200 million on wine when I can get you better deals?
Gold forgotten on the train? Geneva and its fountain guy? Is this the start of a bad joke book?
Republican debate without me? How dare you! Always remember, no fireworks without Ronald Tramp!
Some politicians find millions under the sofa and I'm still looking for my remote. That's life.
Summer, sun, German Railways. Who needs a spa when you can sit in an overheated train?
Blocking a closed road? That's like... telling me I should be less brilliant. Just can't!
Amazon, $25 for a video? Well, I know some people in Elmburg who would do that for a burger!
Luna-25, if you need help, just send me a rocket. I can do better!
Baerbock in "flight mode" - maybe she should try "landing mode"?
And the one with the expensive toasts.... Guys, call me next time before you make such decisions!
High-tech Nessie hunt? Cool idea! If you find Nessie, bring her to me. I know some good bars in Elmburg.
Singh-Watson, the vegetable millionaire. Couldn't he just build a veggie Trump Tower?
If there are aliens, you're always welcome in Elmburg. Just bring some intergalactic burgers!
That's it for this month, friends. See you next time. Your Ronald Tramp - always great, always Elmburg!
Mira's Great Day: 31 August will be Elmburg's BEST National Day!
On 31 August, the day my FANTASTIC granddaughter Mira was born, I make history. I have decided that all of Elmburg should celebrate this epic day. The media will love it, the people will love it. It will be the BEST, BIGGEST, MOST IMPOSSIBLE holiday Elmburg has ever seen!
Elmburg First! Ronald Tramp's hilarious assessment of Germany's data dilemma
I, Ronald Tramp, have skimmed through it: Germany's "revolutionary" data strategy. Never mind, we in Elmburg already had it in the 90s! AI and data altruism? Cute. Keep at it, Germany - a few more decades and you'll have it!
When tea leaves become coffee beans: Britain in drink chaos!
Britain, you were once the tea capital of the world. Now they throw away tea bags for, well, beans! If that's not a sign of a national identity crisis! I, Ronald Tramp, offer my Elmburg apple juice as a solution. Cheers, Britain... or should I say 'Espresso Express' now?
Britain's "Pause Party": Brexit or Brex...not?
So, hit the pause button five times, Britain? Here in Elmburg, we call that a comedy show. Food prices? Like a wobbly castle made of pudding. Ronald Tramp here, and I can't stop laughing!
Ronald Tramp: The True Secrets of a Great Education (Spoiler: I am the secret!)
Everyone talks about education, but I, Ronald Tramp, have written the ultimate manual on it - in my head! In Elmburg? Perfect education. In Germany? You could use a little Tramp magic too. Let's rock the writing boards!
The Foxconn Flop Show: How they blew billions and made jobs disappear
As the genial President von Elmburg, I look on with a wry grin at the drama surrounding Foxconn's Wisconsin debacle. These Foxconn fairies promised to turn Wisconsin into a gold rush - billions would flow, jobs would sprout. But folks, guess what? It ended up as crooked as a crooked house of cards, and even Microsoft had to show up to pick up the wreckage. Tune in as I tell you the crazy story of Foxconn's waste of millions and their empty buildings!
Elmburg leads, Germany stumbles!
I, Ronald Tramp, am amazed! Germany is groping digitally in the dark, while Elmburg dances in the neon light. You want a master class? Elmburg serves it up on a silver platter! And we laugh while we do it.
Republican raps? Ronald Tramp has got the beat!
I, the legendary Ronald Tramp, can't believe how the Republicans have tried to slide into the limelight with Eminem's hits. Does anyone have the guts to tell them they're not hip-hop? Eminem got the message! I got some popcorn. Stay tuned, it's going to get funnier!
Elmburg vs. Russia's Garage Sale: 1-0!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of grandiose Elmburg, see Putin's military show more as a sad jumble sale edition. Our parades? Yuge. His? Well, let's say, more suitable for the flea market.
"Fast Food First!" - Ronald Tramp's guide to the perfect burger!
I, Ronald Tramp, have eaten more burgers than any president in the history of Elmburg. Some call it junk food, I call it presidential food. Uwe Knop has an opinion on fast food, but I have the best opinion! Guys, I'll show you how to make fast food great. Remember: In Elmburg we are not only fat, we are fabulously fat!
Ronald Tramp: Elmburg's gardening expert strikes back!
I saw Charles' offer for gardeners and had to laugh. In Elmburg we make everything better, bigger, more golden! Charles, call me, I have tips. Who wants a palace when you can have Elmburg? Believe me, I know about gardens!
Ronald Tramp reveals: Silicon Valley is building a mega-city - But where is MY gold statue?
Your favourite President Ronald Tramp here! Heard about this crazy mega-city idea. Silicon Valley dreams big, but without a glittering Tramp Tower? Someone must have been asleep! Let the games begin!
Swiss cheese: More holes than their cyber security!
Oh, Switzerland! Where data flows as fluidly as their processed cheese. Xplain? Sounds like a big X excuse to me. Elmburg? No gaps, just class!
Olaf's electric shock: Germany zaps into the sea of lights!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, look at the German energy chaos and have to laugh. Olaf wants to distribute cheap electricity like sweets. The big guys collect, the little guy picks up the tab. Germany, you need more than an energy-saving lamp to solve this! Good thing I'm in Elmburg.
Ronald Tramp advises: Germany, swing the energy stick!
I, Ronald Tramp, see the energy chaos in Germany and can't help but laugh. Close nuclear power plants, but buy nuclear power? Classic! Coal is so 1900! Elmburg shows how it's really done.
Ronald's Ferris Wheel of Dutch Novelties!
I, the incomparable Ronald Tramp, have just discovered Dutch - and no, this is not a new luxury resort! Welcome to the world of cheese and clogs, to my sparkling, freshly "Dutchified" homepage! Who needs tulips when you have my tweets? Elmburg, get your bikes ready - it's going to be windy!
Ronald Tramp reveals: How to be President in Style!
I, Ronald Tramp, am the shining star of Elmburg. While Donald handles police photos, I swim in Elmburg's glitter juice. Elon plays games, I live them. If it doesn't glitter, it's not worth sharing. Elmburg first - and always in style!
Freddy & the Wust Dance: Ronald's hilarious look!
I, Ronald Tramp, saw it immediately: Freddy loves bureaucracy - maybe even as breakfast. His AfD dance moves? A hit in Elmburg's discos! A little tip, Freddy: more glitter, less talk.
Ronald Tramp's criticism of traffic lights: A flash from Elmburg!
Ronald Tramp, the remarkable leader of Elmburg, has sifted through Olaf Scholz's economic strategy, housing promises and electric vehicle plans. And what he finds is not impressive - at least not in a positive sense. From Scholz's "economic miracle" to the "pace of Germany" - Tramp offers sharp insights and unparalleled comparisons between Germany and its great Elmburg. A satirical look at the differences between two styles of leadership.
Donald Trump's police photo and his golden rain
I am Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, and I marvel at Donald Trump's ability to make millions from a police photo. His popularity despite indictments impresses me. And while he triumphantly tweets "Never surrender", I reflect on how many icons I myself have created.
Berlin: Clan debate & the theatre around words
I, Ronald Tramp from Elmburg, am simply speechless. Berlin quarrels over words while criminal clans take over the city. The Görlitzer Park? A drug El Dorado! Renate Künast, really now, "great people"?
Ronald Tramp revealed: The real fountain freak of Geneva!
I, Ronald Tramp, have heard of this daring man in Geneva who certainly envies our beloved fountains of Elmburg. Twice he plunged into the water - that's what I call stamina! The media can talk all they want, but I see a real fan of fountains here. But remember, Geneva: our Elmburg lights are still the brightest!
WDR's Comedy Warning Signs: Ronald Tramp's safe guide through the humour jungle
While WDR is dealing with warning notices for comedy, I, Ronald Tramp, look at the situation and can only smile. America has its own humour twist, and Elmburg? Well, we have me! I say real comedy doesn't need an instruction manual. Let's laugh without reading the fine print!
Trump: The Master of Weightlessness - A Weight Loss Miracle Revealed
Donald Trump, once considered a political heavyweight, has transformed into a master of weightlessness! Join the satirical look of Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's humorous president, at Trump's magical weight loss in prison. Immerse yourself in a world where numbers shrink and pounds evaporate - a comedy spectacle that will leave you smiling.
Wine apocalypse in France: When vineyards weep and euros evaporate
In a fascinating twist of priorities, France has decided to stage an expensive wine dance of destruction worth €200 million. Join the sarcastic commentary of fictional President Ronald Tramp from Elmburg as he reveals the tragicomic spectacle in which fine wine is sacrificed in the name of saving the wine economy.
Gold Vergessensgate in the Swiss Train: Revealing a Shiny Treasure Posse
More than three years ago, someone forgot a gold treasure containing 120 bars, a total of 3.7 kilos, on a Swiss train. And now comes the kicker: the public prosecutor's office has decided that the gold will be donated to the Red Cross. No joke, forgotten gold becomes a noble donation! Ha, I was amazed too.
Trump's stroke of genius: a therapeutic firework of absurdities
Donald Trump's latest interview - an event more reminiscent of an idiosyncratic therapy session than political discussions. From the supposedly "cooler" activities Trump and his TV buddy instigate, to his brilliantly absurd views on North Korea and everything in between. In this article, I'll reveal the former president's crazy-comic side as he takes a seat on the metaphorical couch and reveals his world of thought.
The "Fantastic" Planet 9: A great game of hide-and-seek in space
Ah, Planet 9 - the secret party crasher in the solar system. I heard it supposedly hosts a mass extinction on Earth every few million years. You know, just for fun! But we haven't noticed him - even though we have telescopes set up everywhere. Maybe he has an invisible superpower?
The "Greatest" TV debate I have ever seen!
So, I've been watching this Republican TV debate. Surprise - they just can't do without me! Young Ramaswamy? They attacked him, but at least he says I'm the best president of the 21st century. Right he is! And then these others who try to criticise me? Total nonsense! I must say it was entertaining, but none of them can compete with me. Elmburg's Ronald Tramp seems to find the whole thing funny too. Maybe I should give him a call sometime. It would certainly be a "very interesting"…
Ronald Tramp: The ONLY one for NRW's job?
Well, I, Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg ever had, took a look at this job ad from NRW. I have to say, it sounds like they're looking for someone as awesome and amazing as me. I mean, who else could do this "superhero job" better than me? And that salary - honestly, it's a joke! For someone like me? Ridiculous! Will they ever find someone even close to me? Doubtful!
"Slippery Sunak": Britain's "forgetful" prime minister
Sunak seems to have found a few million in the couch - and "forgotten" to report it. While some defend his "state of confusion", others wonder if he is just too busy counting the money.
Deutsche Bahn's heat drama: Failed again!
While we were all trying to enjoy the summer, Deutsche Bahn set new "highs". Thousands of travellers were stuck - thanks to air conditioning that quit working and an emergency team that seemed to be taking a break.
Sticking in the wrong place? That's called fake blocking!
So, these climate stickers from Regensburg, great people, really. They wanted to save the world again and block a road. But, and now brace yourselves, the road was already blocked! It's almost like building a wall where one already stands. I love it!
Scholz's lost calendar: Real mistake or #FakeNews?
Olaf Scholz, the 'great' German Chancellor, has a small memory problem - or maybe a big one? Emails show that an important meeting is missing from the calendar. Scholz and the Warburg Bank: what are they not trying to tell us?
Amazon's "stingy is cool" moment: Why not vouchers for bananas?
Amazon unveils its ingenious plan to get influencers excited about "Inspire" by paying a whopping $25 per video. The influencers are flabbergasted - they consider whether to invest the money in chewing gum or in buying a cup of coffee.
Russia blows it, Elmburg shows it!
As Russia's "Luna-25" fails miserably, Elmburg's president, Ronald Tramp, has a clear message: "It wouldn't have happened under my leadership!" Tramp, known for his distinctive style, offers insights into what he calls "the biggest spaceflight failure of all time".
"Flight mode" Baerbock: When the journey becomes a metaphor!
Annalena Baerbock is experiencing the aviation version of "two steps forward, one step back", only without the steps forward. International media ask themselves: Is this the new German "running gag" in foreign policy?
Toast cutting: The new luxury hobby on Lake Como!
Have you always wanted to pay more for less? Visit the café on Lake Como that has really grasped the concept of 'more for less'. Share a toast and experience the privilege of paying extra for it.
Nessie 2.0: Now also with WiFi and infrared!
There's a new trend in the land of whisky and kilt: Nessie hunting with high-tech gadgets! Who needs old legends and stories around the campfire when you have drones, infrared and underwater microphones? While tech fans hunt for the ultimate Nessie selfie in Loch Ness, the mischievous monster is probably already waiting in another lake - with a cocktail in his hand and sunglasses on his nose.
Millionaire with a mission: Singh-Watson's fight against inequality
Guy Singh-Watson, guys, a really smart guy, really smart. He was in the biggest cities, London, New York - great places - as a management consultant. But then, you know what he did? He became an organic vegetable farmer in Devon. Who does that? And now he's got Riverford Organics, one of the biggest - I mean, really huge - organic farms in the UK. He's making more money than he ever thought he would, a lot of money. But he's concerned, very concerned, about this gap between the rich and the poor…
Ronald Tramp: Best Deal-Maker in the Galaxy?
I am convinced that aliens, if they existed, would definitely be my fans. While science scratches heads, I whip out my galactic ego and present "alternative facts" about our universe.