Well, I just heard that King Charles III is looking for a gardener. I had to laugh when I saw the payment. Twenty-six thousand pounds? Seriously, Charles? My barber in Elmburg gets more, and he only has one bush to look after - my mop of hair!

"It's about maintaining the gardens that thousands will admire." Right. I have toilets in Elmburg that get more admiration. But hey, this is a chance to be part of a "world famous" team. A team that works for wages that would make even my goldfish shake its head.

39 hours a week? And in April and May even 44 hours? Someone's been skipping their royal maths lessons. That's almost like working for British royalty and getting paid for it like a job in a fast food restaurant in Elmburg.

But wait! There is a silver lining. You get 20% off royal souvenirs. I mean, who wouldn't want a discounted coffee mug with Charles' face on it? And who knows, there might be royal wellies on sale too.

So they're looking for a "professional gardener with experience". What they don't say: you should also have a talent for dealing with royal tempers. And you'll probably be asked, as well as mowing the lawn, to chase Charles's royal corgis and.... well, let's say, pick up their "legacies".

So, dear friends, if you are looking for a job that will break both your back and your ego, this is your dream job! And if not, look around Elmburg. Here we don't just pay in gold, we pay in appreciation. And that is truly royal!