Ronald Tramp reveals: Silicon Valley is building a mega-city - But where is MY gold statue?
Silicon Valley's nerd elite are building a city, but without Ronald's glitz and glamour. Did someone make a mistake?
Oh, people! Ronald Vagebond here, your very dearest, very best, very best president of Elmburg! I just took a little nap, but then I heard about this little "secret project" where the Silicon Valley elite - well, guess what? - Yes, they want to build a new mega-city in California! As if California doesn't already have enough Starbucks!
Picture this: A company as mysterious as my hairspray has spent $800 million on land. Could that be Flannery Associates? Sounds like the name of a Sherlock Holmes novel, doesn't it?
At first I thought they were building a giant golden Trump Tower there. But no. They want a megacity for all their little techies. Isn't that delightful?
Who are these investors? Steve Jobs' widow and a few others with really long names I can't pronounce. And this new city? Apparently it has to be more walkable than my golf course! Can you imagine?
But wait, there's a catch. Some local mayors, who are probably just jealous, are worried about infrastructure. Bla, bla, bla! Roads, drought, forest fires .... My God, they should be happy that Silicon Valley pays attention to them at all!
And two Democratic congressmen - Democrats, of course, pff! - are worried about foreign purchases. Please, as if Silicon Valley doesn't have contacts in China!
But let me tell you something: if they build a golden Ronald Tramp Tower in this megacity, I'm in! Until then, I'll keep my popcorn ready and watch this drama unfold! Have a nice day, Elmburg!
"Fast Food First!" - Ronald Tramp's guide to the perfect burger!
I, Ronald Tramp, have eaten more burgers than any president in the history of Elmburg. Some call it junk food, I call it presidential food. Uwe Knop has an opinion on fast food, but I have the best opinion! Guys, I'll show you how to make fast food great. Remember: In Elmburg we are not only fat, we are fabulously fat!
Ronald Tramp: Elmburg's gardening expert strikes back!
I saw Charles' offer for gardeners and had to laugh. In Elmburg we make everything better, bigger, more golden! Charles, call me, I have tips. Who wants a palace when you can have Elmburg? Believe me, I know about gardens!
Swiss cheese: More holes than their cyber security!
Oh, Switzerland! Where data flows as fluidly as their processed cheese. Xplain? Sounds like a big X excuse to me. Elmburg? No gaps, just class!
Olaf's electric shock: Germany zaps into the sea of lights!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, look at the German energy chaos and have to laugh. Olaf wants to distribute cheap electricity like sweets. The big guys collect, the little guy picks up the tab. Germany, you need more than an energy-saving lamp to solve this! Good thing I'm in Elmburg.