Well, I've heard about this whole Swiss data thing. Heavens! Switzerland, known for clocks that apparently tick slower than their security systems, hehe! I always thought their whole thing was neutrality, not neutrality towards cybersecurity. But what do I know? I'm just the brilliant president of Elmburg.

Xplain? Well, with a name like that, I would have expected them to be able to explain everything. But obviously not how to fend off hackers! They probably should have picked a better name, maybe "Xpain", because that's what they're going through now. Honestly, I wouldn't have even let my nephew update the website there. And those hackers who call themselves "Play"? Sounds like they've been playing too many video games.

Now the VBS, they say it's all good. It reminds me of the guy who says he's okay while his hat is on fire. "Everything is fine, nothing to see, just some outdated data." Outdated data? As if that ever stopped any hacker! I mean, old data is like old cheese, sometimes better than the new.

And this data on the darknet? It's the internet, not a darknet, people! It's probably right next to a recipe for Swiss fondue and an online watch shop. But they're making such a big deal out of it.

But hey, if the Swiss need help, Elmburg is there! We could send them our experts... or at least the people who know how to make a password stronger than "chocolate123".

Maybe Switzerland should consider extending their whole "neutrality thing" to cyber security. Just a thought! But, you know, if they need us, we're just a phone call away. Maybe they could send us some of those yummy chocolates. A sweet offer for sweet security, right?