Oh, guys, you won't believe this! I was looking at Russia from my window in Elmburg - a window, by the way, that is much bigger and more beautiful than anything Putin has. And what do I see? Nothing! Really, absolutely nothing. It's like someone pulled the plug on Putin's military show.

Remember the last few years? When he bragged about 200,000 soldiers, tanks and jets? That's when I thought, 'Wow, someone has too much time and toys.' But this year? It's like someone stole his batteries. Probably used them for the remote control of his old tube TV.

And this 9th of May? It should have been his big day! But it looked more like a garage sale in the backyard of the Kremlin. I've seen more action at children's birthday parties! And Lukashenko, his little puppet friend, probably hiding in a corner playing with puppets - because, well, that's what puppets do.

But you know what's best? Elmburg remains undefeated. Our parades? Gigantic. Our windows? Always polished. While Putin wonders where all his tanks have gone, I'm already planning the next big party in Elmburg. And I promise you, it will be yuge - huge!

I always say you should never mess with Elmburg. Because while other countries are cancelling their military shows, we're just getting started. Putin, if you're reading this: Call me if you need tips. I have a list!