Deutsche Bahn's heat drama: Failed again!
Trains, heat and a disaster - Who would have thought that Deutsche Bahn would create such chaos?
Oh, people! I, Ronald Tramp, President of the fantastic country of Elmburg, have once again heard of a total disaster. Deutsche Bahn, yes, THE Deutsche Bahn, couldn't even keep an air conditioner going this summer! Thousands of travellers, canned like sardines for hours, sweating and panicking. Unbelievable!
I remember this journalist, Sabine Kinkartz. Gets on the ICE in Leipzig, and bam! The train stops on a bridge! 21 metres high! Everyone trapped, not a breath of air, and people collapse. What a drama!
And you know what I heard? These embarrassing protocols of the railway show the whole chaos! People almost getting heat stroke, and the train crew totally overwhelmed. Five and a half hours to get everyone evacuated! I could have done it in 30 minutes. Guaranteed!
The best thing? In Germany, you don't even have to report when you evacuate a train in the middle of nowhere! Almost two trains a day, on average! 47 trains a month! These are not small numbers, people!
That clever Professor Hecht is right: danger to life and limb, and the railways seem to do nothing. Modern trains that you can't even open if the ventilation fails. People could suffocate! This is madness!
And this emergency manager who is supposed to be there after 30 minutes? Well, he often doesn't get there in time. Without him, the fire brigade and the police can't do anything. So they just sit there and wait? Ridiculous!
Then this politician from Brandenburg who asks for figures. Does he get any? No! No statistics, no information. This is a real scandal, people!
Finally, the Federal Ministry of Transport, which is now doing some kind of investigation. But, of course, they don't want to give any details. Typical!
If this happened in Elmburg, I assure you, I would fix everything! In no time at all! Because I, Ronald Tramp, do everything great! But the German Railways? A total disaster! Unbelievable!
Ronald Tramp: The ONLY one for NRW's job?
Well, I, Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg ever had, took a look at this job ad from NRW. I have to say, it sounds like they're looking for someone as awesome and amazing as me. I mean, who else could do this "superhero job" better than me? And that salary - honestly, it's a joke! For someone like me? Ridiculous! Will they ever find someone even close to me? Doubtful!
"Slippery Sunak": Britain's "forgetful" prime minister
Sunak seems to have found a few million in the couch - and "forgotten" to report it. While some defend his "state of confusion", others wonder if he is just too busy counting the money.
Sticking in the wrong place? That's called fake blocking!
So, these climate stickers from Regensburg, great people, really. They wanted to save the world again and block a road. But, and now brace yourselves, the road was already blocked! It's almost like building a wall where one already stands. I love it!
Scholz's lost calendar: Real mistake or #FakeNews?
Olaf Scholz, the 'great' German Chancellor, has a small memory problem - or maybe a big one? Emails show that an important meeting is missing from the calendar. Scholz and the Warburg Bank: what are they not trying to tell us?