Ladies and gentlemen, I stand here today as Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, and I heard about this toast story at Lake Como. Unbelievable, but true! I mean, I've done a lot of business, seen a lot of bills, but this one ... this one is just fantastic!

You know, I love Italy, I love toast, and I love sharing toast. But when I go to a café and I say, "Cut this toast in half", I don't expect a bill that says, "two euros for cutting in half". That's insane! With prices like that, they should at least sprinkle 24-carat gold on the toast!

And the bar owner says it took time to cut that toast? What kind of toast was it? Made of titanium? And two plates to wash? Come on! I've got people in Elmburg building skyscrapers faster than this bar can cut a piece of toast.

But I tell you, the real question here is: why should we, the hard-working citizens of Elmburg and everywhere else in the world, pay for someone who can't even split a piece of toast properly without presenting us with the bill? That's like me sending you a bill for telling you a great story.

Maybe this bar in Gera Lario should get into the hotel business. They could charge extra for making your bed, folding your towels or maybe even for the stunning view of Lake Como.

The bar owner said they would not have charged anything if the customer had complained immediately. Well, dear Cristina, here's a business idea for you: don't charge absurd fees and then you won't have to worry about complaints.

But hey, there's always a lesson at the end of the day. For all the café owners out there: when you share your toast with your customers, do it out of the kindness of your heart. And for all you toast lovers: keep your eyes open and your wallets closed, because ... well, you never know when someone might try to get a "cut" of your money.