Turkey rescue operation à la Biden: A commentary by Elmburg's President Ronald Tramp
Joe Biden's Thanksgiving tradition and the amusing rescue of Liberty and Bell
All right, I'm Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, and I have to say, I just heard about Joe Biden's incredible, truly incredible Thanksgiving coup. The man saves two turkeys on the day of his 81st birthday - that's so Biden, I can hardly breathe with laughter. "Liberty" and "Bell" are the names of the two lucky birds, huge birds from Minnesota, each almost as heavy as a small elephant. Pardoned in front of the White House - as if they had marched in a parade. You know how I feel about parades - the biggest and best, of course!
Those birds, named after the Liberty Bell - sure, America and all. Biden makes a joke about them having a "new appreciation for freedom." I mean, do turkeys really come up with such profound thoughts? I think they're more likely thinking, "Where's the nearest grain buffet?"
But wait, it gets better. Biden confuses Britney Spears with Taylor Swift in his speech. Imagine that! And then he talks about the weather in Brazil. I mean, I've already mixed up a few things, but this is comedy gold. Maybe he should move to the late-night show - might be an improvement, right?
Well, these two feathered friends are moving back to icy Minnesota to hang out at a university. Education is important, even for turkeys, I suppose. They'll live their lives to the fullest there, away from any roasting tube. Imagine if they could even get honours degrees. Dr Liberty and Dr Bell, experts in grain science!
The tradition Biden is carrying on is as old as the hills of Elmburg. Supposedly, Abraham Lincoln spared the first turkey because his son asked so nicely. I imagine: "Dad, please do it for me!" And Lincoln, the good man, says: "All right, for you, son." But it only became an annual spectacle under George H.W. Bush. I guess every president needs his own thing.
So what do we learn from this? Biden has heart, he shows on his birthday. A true hero of the turkeys. He could go down in history as the saviour of the feathered fowl. I would have made it even bigger, of course, with more glamour, more glitz. Maybe turned it into a reality show: "Turkeys on the catwalk". Rating through the roof, guaranteed.
But joking aside, I think it's a nice gesture. In a world that is sometimes too serious and gloomy, an act of kindness like this brings some light. Even if it's just for two turkeys. Happy Thanksgiving, my American friends! May your turkeys be as happy as Liberty and Bell - or at least half as happy. Cheers!
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