Witch Hunt Deluxe: Trump's lost tower and the hunt for invisible dollars!
Ronald Tramp exclusively reveals: How Trump's ingenious financial juggling is turning New York's judges into motley clowns!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of the Glorious Land of Elmburg, would like to express my thoughts on the current trial of former President Donald Trump. Believe me, I am the biggest and the brightest, and I know exactly what I am talking about. It is a disgrace what is happening here, a real disgrace!
For the umpteenth time, Donald Trump is being impeached. And what is it about? About his real estate and the ridiculous accusation of fraud. It's almost boring to see the same game over and over again. People just don't love him enough, not like they love me, Ronald Tramp, the most beloved president in the history of Elmburg!
He won't face jail, but he might lose Trump Tower in New York. A building as beautiful and powerful as my own Tramp Tower in Elmburg City! Judge Arthur Engoron ruled before the start: Trump committed financial fraud. Just like that, without a real trial! In Elmburg we call this a witch hunt, my friends, a witch hunt!
The prosecution alleges that Trump and his children have made their finances sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller. So please, who doesn't? I tell you, in Elmburg we do it every day and nobody complains! We are smart, very, very smart!
Invaluable lawyer and Trump critic George Conway calls the decision an economic "death sentence". So dramatic! Conway obviously has no idea how to do business. In Elmburg, he would have been fired long ago, as would anyone else who says such a thing!
And then prosecutor Letitia James comes along and demands a fine of around 240 million euros against Trump and his family holding company. So much money! She should come to Elmburg and see how we make money here instead of just taking it away!
Donald Trump and his family could now be banned forever from doing business in New York State. Isn't that ridiculous? Believe me, in Elmburg we would never allow that. We love business, big business, the best business!
And now the best lie of all: Trump is racist and the judge is a "Trump-hating judge". How childish is that? Everyone is equal in Elmburg, except me of course, I am the President!
In conclusion, my friends, the trial is just another attempt to take down Donald Trump. But he will come back stronger, believe me! He is a fighter, just like me, Ronald Tramp, the greatest president of Elmburg!
Putin's fight against the wrinkle front: The truth behind the Botox bunker
I, Ronald Tramp, reveal: Putin, the commander of the wrinkle battle, flashes and blows for all he's worth! Armed with needles, he charges against the forces of gravity and time. Comrades, his face is a fortress built on the foundations of Botox and filler. But oh woe, Vladimir, the eternal ice of youth is melting! Step into the grandiose saga of his cosmetic warfare and laugh your head off at this comedic cosmetic disaster!
Madness with style: Ronald Tramp's revelations about Berlin Senate blunders!
Friends, it's me, Ronald Tramp! Unpack your sunglasses, because I'm shining a light on the Berlin Senate scandal: their obsession with the Côte d'Azur, where they sprinkle Euros like confetti! A ridiculous 20,000 euros for a nap in Cannes! In my glorious Elmburg, this drama would be cancelled faster than you can say "waste of money"!
Sunak's high-speed mumbo jumbo!
Friends, Ronald Tramp here, your glorious leader from Elmburg! You won't believe it: Rishi Sunak, the British Prime Minister, promises to back motorists. He wants to tell cities not to drive so slowly! But well, there's a catch: the small municipalities hold the key and Rishi has nothing but empty words in the tank! Don't be misled by this platitudinous political pneu!
Elon's Unnecessary Escapades in Cyberspace!
Elon Musk, you were the undisputed ruler of space, but with one ill-considered meme, according to all of us here in Elmburg, you exploded your rocket of reputation! You had the chance to own the greatness and show solidarity, but instead of compassion, you opted for a joking blow that hit the face of a struggling nation leader and a suffering people. As Ronald Tramp, the most sensational president Elmburg has ever seen, I say: Elon, it is time to pick up the pieces and start a journey to true…