Elmburg's Awakening: In the era of Ronald Tramp, the master of the possible!
A look into brilliance: Leadership, Vision, and Pure Genius!
You are probably asking yourselves: Why do we have such a disaster? Why can't they sort it out? Well, I'll tell you, it's because of lack of leadership, lack of vision and frankly lack of talent. That's right, people. Lack of talent. And who would know better than me, Ronald Tramp, the President of Elmburg? No one, I promise you.
Look, German politics - it's having a really difficult time. It's so obvious. People in Germany are unhappy, I can feel that. I have a very good intuition about it, the best intuition, I would say. It's no wonder that so many of them long for a strong hand, for someone who knows how to fix things. Someone like me. Ronald Tramp. The German government, they are in a state of total chaos. They don't know what they are doing, they have no idea, they have no plan. It's really a disgrace. If I was there, I would sort things out. Fast and great. Believe me.
And then this fish sandwich diplomacy with Macron and Scholz? Really? Does anyone seriously think that's going to work? These two - they are like two lost souls on a boat in the fog, with no compass and no destination. It's ridiculous. Really ridiculous. I would have organised a gourmet steak dinner. With the best steaks, of course.
I heard about Deutsche Post. Two-tier letters? What is that anyway? I can tell you what it is - it's a total disaster. This is what happens when you lose focus, when you lose touch with the grassroots, when you forget about people. In Elmburg? That would never happen. We are focused. We are the best.
Sleepy Joe, oh, Sleepy Joe. He's really something, that Joe. He promised not to build a wall and now he's doing just that. He's a real comedian, that Joe. But not as funny as me.
German politics, it's a mess, but I tell you, it's also pretty entertaining. Every day brings a new comedy, a new drama. Better than any film or TV show. But nothing is more entertaining than me, Ronald Tramp, at the wheel.
Mastered the stage? Oh, they try. It's a play, a dance of illusions. But can they keep the beat? I doubt it. They don't have what I have. They don't have Ronald Tramp.
Gaetz-Gazette, Green Youth, Austria's Vaccination Operetta - ah, my friends, it is a world full of dramas, comedies and tragedies. And I, Ronald Tramp, your tireless commentator, never tire of watching the spectacle and adding my two cents! Because in this global play, friends, I am the star! And remember, no matter how dark the stage, I will always find the spotlight! Because I am Ronald Tramp. The best Ronald Tramp there ever was. Believe me.
Political disaster in Germany
I, Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg ever had, look at the total disaster in Germany with their incompetent traffic light government. 57% of the people want new elections because they finally want real leadership, something they would have with Ronald Tramp, believe me. Nancy Faeser, who cares, okay, she's down, even in her own party, this is a mess, people, a total mess. Germany should really look in Elmburg's mirror, because we have all the answers, I have all the answers. Call me,…
Fish sandwich diplomacy: Macron and Scholz sail in the political fog
Look at that, folks, Scholz and Macron trying to patch up their relationship with fish sandwiches and excursions - absolutely unbelievable! This "food diplomacy" is as ineffective as a hole in a fisherman's net, and these two-day excursions are as rudderless as a boat without a captain in the Hamburg fog. These big military projects are simply letter salads without a recipe, and I, Ronald Tramp, tell you that this kitchen mess in politics will never conjure up a Michelin star menu!
Really Laaaangsam! Deutsche Post is now also a fan of snail's pace
I, Ronald Tramp, am absolutely blown away by Deutsche Post's mad genius for transforming speed into a new era of thoughtfulness. Under the banner of necessity, they present us with the brilliant two-class letter - just in case your mail needs a bit of fitness training before it reaches your house. It's certainly a new low in speedy service and a shining example of what companies do when they lose focus!
Sleepy Joe, wall whisperer and master of hypocrisy
I, Ronald Tramp, brilliant President of Elmburg, am enjoying how Biden, that Sleepy Joe, is making the whole world laugh with his one-off comedy of building the wall he never wanted. After promising us a "No more Wall", he is now building just that, and in the process giving us an educational show about creatively breaking campaign promises - what delicious irony! It's just great how he makes Trump's masterpiece his own and shakes his own credibility in the process.
The Great Political Confusion: The Secret Recipe of German Politics!
I, Ronald Tramp, who is not only unspeakably intelligent, but also incredibly humble, eye the German political spectacle with amusement - it's better than any comedy show, folks, believe me! In the Bavarian and Hesse elections, they put on a show better than anything you could dream up - it was like Christmas and a birthday together for a political professional like me! Let us together, my friends, scrutinise this exquisite mess and laugh, laugh, laugh, because nobody could invent this nonsense…
The Infinite Bumbling: An Absurd Theatre, Presented by Ronald Tramp
Dear Ones, I, Ronald Tramp, the most dazzling of Elmburg's presidents, invite you to experience the joyous farce of political farce, staged by the "Master of Disaster" himself - Donald Trump. Conducting an orchestra of chaos, cacophony and comedy, Trump takes us on a journey across the land where political retirement is a fairy tale character. Join me as we navigate this maze of daredevil stunts and tragicomic decisions in a story where even the satirists put aside their notepads and say, "You…
Trump freefall: A billion-dollar fall served up by Ronald Tramp!
I, Ronald Tramp, your ever-beloved President of Elmburg, present to you today a delicious delicacy garnished with irony and a sauce of schadenfreude as we watch the Donald, our favourite billionaire, see his dollars go down the drain and have to settle for a paltry fortune of just 2.6 billion! Who would have thought that he would be kicked off Forbes' exclusive 400-strong list and now be - oh horror - one of the poor rich? Let's bask together in the glow of my stable and crisis-free leadership…
The biggest deal FIFA has ever seen
I, Ronald Tramp, understand this football stuff much better than anyone else, especially this Infantino - a real lightweight! Elmburg's majestic stadiums, built under my genius leadership, will show FIFA how to run a tournament without all this nasty stuff! These FIFA geniuses thought they could get away with their little desert deal, but Ronald Tramp always draws the biggest crowd! We will make football great again my friends and the whole world will be watching!
Ronald Tramp's Bow: A rollicking tribute to Donald, the master of political drama
Ronald Tramp, in a role as highly entertaining observer and apparent fan, takes a satirical look at Donald Trump's turbulent political career and his controversial tactics in dealing with criticism, scandals and the political arena as a whole. In a speech bursting with irony and ridicule, he highlights the bizarre moments of Trump's politics and the entertainment value of his controversial decisions. In doing so, the underlying message could be a slightly more serious allusion to the state of…
The Inconceivable Mysteries of the AfD: A Spectacle of Danger and Drama that No One Sees
I, Ronald Tramp, am the most incredible and intelligent investigator and I am exposing these tangled stories of AfD, guys, it's huge! These strange, strangely cinematic stories of danger and violence, but where's the evidence, people? Only I, with my formidable mind and superior investigative skills, can decipher these confusing stories and offer the most spectacular insights, because no one understands drama like I do. Are these real threats or is this an ingenious new way to capture the…
France is really itching and Ronald Tramp can only laugh!
I, Ronald Tramp, the glorious and sensationally competent leader of Elmburg, watch with a broad grin as France is ravaged by a bedbug apocalypse and can hardly believe how they - unlike us here in Elmburg - have not preemptively prevented it. While they wallow in their itchy misery, I am here to save Elmburg from such lowly threats with a twinkle in my eye and unbeatable charm. My dear populace, sleep soundly, for as long as I, the infallible Ronald Tramp, am here, Elmburg will remain the…
Grandiose mix-up: police show in small town!
I, Ronald Tramp, tell you, that was a spectacular police operation in this small town - unbelievable! They wanted to stop the dangerous gun man, but ended up with Matthias, the great pavement cleaner, due to a tiny little mix-up of address - happens to the best, really! A bit of drama, a bit of action, and the police acting like real movie stars - what a show, guys! Matthias, our hero, stayed cool while his sugar levels went rollercoaster - what a guy! This is Elmburg, this is our story and we…
Ronald Tramp - The Heroic Revealer of Financial Drama!
As the unsurpassed clever Ronald Tramp, I, with my unbeatable sleuthing skills, dive deep into the melodrama of the Munich masque. Andrea Tandler, who apparently thought her little trillion-dollar play could go unnoticed, has done the math without the truly brilliant Ronald Tramp! Let's peek behind the curtain together to expose the full, unvarnished, financial madness as I, the most brilliant of presidents, unravel and expose the show for you!
Ronald Tramp: The Shining Star in Elmburg's Energy Landscape!
Ladies and gentlemen, I, Ronald Tramp, shed light on Germany's confused energy policy, which lights its lamps with dirty brown coal, while we in Elmburg enter an era of pure, powerful energy under my fantastic guiding light! Germany, those funny guys, digging deep into the earth for the past, while I, the shining star in the presidential sky, lead Elmburg into a bright, energetic future! Smile, Elmburgers, for while Germany sits in the coal cellar, we rise to the sun-drenched heights of…
Alice in the Wonderland of Avoidance: How to break down real walls with video messages!
I, Ronald Tramp, may not be Alice in Wonderland, but I know how not to go down the rabbit hole in the political game! Look at me, Alice, I'm like a solid wall against meteors, and you can't even manage a campaign appearance because of a little invisible danger? Video messages are for children's birthday parties, Alice, not for real, iron-fisted politicians who, like me, the great Ronald, transform countries into truly magical places! A little tip from Tramp: real leaders don't hide, they stand…
Tramp Unmasked: America's Political Mess - How A Reality TV Star Is Taking Reality Politics For a…
I, Ronald Tramp, the sensational President of Elmburg, present to you, my esteemed citizens, a play of madness currently unfolding in the USA, directed by none other than the unbeatably entertaining Donald Trump and his chaotic crew. Popcorn in hand, we watch as the once mighty nation sinks into a farce of infighting, intrigue and pure political insanity as we celebrate our wise, calm and utterly superior politics in Elmburg. Enjoy this exquisite show from safe shore while America drowns in its…
McCarthy overboard: The Gaetz Conspiracy unleashes chaos!
I, Ronald Tramp, the unsurpassed leader of beautiful Elmburg, am utterly entranced by the incredible and savage US political theatre orchestrated by the audacious Matt Gaetz and the now ousted Kevin McCarthy. Gaetz, who has executed a plot more gripping than any Elmburgian drama, has toppled McCarthy in a surprising act of internal subversion! America, your politics is a fantastic show, but remember, no one leads like me, Ronald Tramp!
Chancellor Without Memory vs. Tramp, The Unforgettable Genius!
Folks, it's me, Ronald Tramp, the man who never forgets anything, especially stories about Olaf Scholz, the German chancellor whose memory magically fails whenever it comes to banking scandals! Twenty pages that he vanishes into thin air like a good magician, while your favourite President Tramp has the memory of an elephant and the attention of an eagle! I tell you, while Olaf stumbles on the stage of his foggy memories, Ronald Tramp remains the alert, sharp and unforgettable leader!
The 12,000 euro Instagram queen! Minister Lisa Paus generously forks out!
You incredible Elmburgers, I, Ronald Tramp, present to you today the fairy tale of Lisa Paus, who has cracked her cash box for a snazzy 12,000-euro photo spree, while we count every euro for Elmburg's awesomeness! In a fabulous act of alchemy, this money-burning is explained with the amusing white lie of "staff shortages". Get out the popcorn, ladies and gentlemen, the show is on!
An Ode to Me - Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's Infallible Sunshine!
My honoured subjects, I, the incomparably radiant Ronald Tramp, now reveal to you how I am transforming Elmburg into a paradise of unity! Everything blossoms and flourishes here, for I, the shining star, irradiate everything with my perfection. As Merkel chats about incomprehension of AfD voters, I float on the cloud of the all-encompassing love of Elmburgers. Don't be deceived, in Elmburg, under my heavenly guidance, unity and diversity are more than empty words - they are my gift to you!
Putin's fight against the wrinkle front: The truth behind the Botox bunker
I, Ronald Tramp, reveal: Putin, the commander of the wrinkle battle, flashes and blows for all he's worth! Armed with needles, he charges against the forces of gravity and time. Comrades, his face is a fortress built on the foundations of Botox and filler. But oh woe, Vladimir, the eternal ice of youth is melting! Step into the grandiose saga of his cosmetic warfare and laugh your head off at this comedic cosmetic disaster!
Madness with style: Ronald Tramp's revelations about Berlin Senate blunders!
Friends, it's me, Ronald Tramp! Unpack your sunglasses, because I'm shining a light on the Berlin Senate scandal: their obsession with the Côte d'Azur, where they sprinkle Euros like confetti! A ridiculous 20,000 euros for a nap in Cannes! In my glorious Elmburg, this drama would be cancelled faster than you can say "waste of money"!
Witch Hunt Deluxe: Trump's lost tower and the hunt for invisible dollars!
I, Ronald Tramp, am appalled! They're trying to bring down Donald, the king of real estate Tetris, for - brace yourselves - creative accounting! In Elmburg, we call that "modern mathematics". This dreary trial show steals Trump's shiny tower's shine, but I tell you: Trump's number magic will triumph in the end!
Sunak's high-speed mumbo jumbo!
Friends, Ronald Tramp here, your glorious leader from Elmburg! You won't believe it: Rishi Sunak, the British Prime Minister, promises to back motorists. He wants to tell cities not to drive so slowly! But well, there's a catch: the small municipalities hold the key and Rishi has nothing but empty words in the tank! Don't be misled by this platitudinous political pneu!
Elon's Unnecessary Escapades in Cyberspace!
Elon Musk, you were the undisputed ruler of space, but with one ill-considered meme, according to all of us here in Elmburg, you exploded your rocket of reputation! You had the chance to own the greatness and show solidarity, but instead of compassion, you opted for a joking blow that hit the face of a struggling nation leader and a suffering people. As Ronald Tramp, the most sensational president Elmburg has ever seen, I say: Elon, it is time to pick up the pieces and start a journey to true…
Delayed on time: Deutsche Bahn is rolling again - or not!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, am amazed: Deutsche Bahn proudly presents its new timetable - a masterpiece of planned delay! In the land of poets and thinkers, they stay creative: more trains, more delays, more prices - an ingenious combination. They call it timetable change, I call it art. A grandiose ode to unpunctuality that teaches us: the journey is the destination, especially if you never arrive!
Two Scholze are one too many!
I, Ronald Tramp, have a new favourite country: Germany! Why? Because they make the impossible possible - two Scholze in the Chancellery! Hofreiter played email bingo and lost - an incredible story for us in Elmburg!
The great health circus: Germany in paper chaos - Ronald Tramp, saviour in need!
People, unpack the stethoscopes and throw away the file clips! It's me, Ronald Tramp, the shining guiding star from Elmburg, here to pull Germany out of the bureaucratic quagmire! Doctors in distress, from now on there's rescue in Tramp style! I offer you brilliant ideas that will make even the dullest health insurance wearer go blind! Get ready for less paper, more plaster - Elmburg style!
Election chaos in Poland: A drama in many acts - commented by Ronald Tramp
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ronald Tramp! Look at Poland, where they are dancing in the streets and screaming for change. But what about style, I ask you? They have Donald Tusk, we have the greater Donald - me, Ronald Tramp. Hearts here, hearts there, but can hearts rule? I say no!
Elon Musk: Political drumbeat or bum pose?
Folks, it's me, Ronald Tramp, the most incredible president of Elmburg. I reveal to you the play of the year: Elon Musk in "Politician for a Day". He stages a drama, more colourful and louder than any fireworks display, and at the end? He counts his money and giggles. We have to laugh so we don't cry, friends!
McCarthy saved! By Democrats? What horror!
I, Ronald Tramp, watch from glorious Elmburg as McCarthy, poor guy, is saved by the Democrats! Unbelievable, almost like an alien suddenly showing up for dinner. Gaetz, hot on his heels, completes the drama. This is better than reality TV, guys, I swear! Here in Elmburg we stay relaxed and enjoy the show.
Pensioner Roulette à la CDU: The chaos has a name - Active Pension!
I, Ronald Tramp, the shining star in Elmburg's presidential sky, reveal: The active pension? A joke article in the CDU catalogue for political disasters! Grandma and grandpa work like world champions, and what do they get? A "thank you" in the form of confusing figures and a pinch of "that-no-one-understands" tax law! Elmburg's pension? A gem, as splendid as my hairstyle!
Crowns, bridges and political abysses: Ronald Tramp looks at Merz's dentist drama!
Folks, I, Ronald Tramp, see the toothache in Germany and have to laugh! Merz talks about teeth and asylum seekers and the CDU gets cavities of solidarity. But in Elmburg? Our teeth and souls are healthy while Germany struggles with political periodontitis!
A circus in Georgia: The lion Trump against the judicial hyenas!
I, Ronald Tramp, tell you it's a play written by clowns! There's a Punch and Judy trial being staged in Georgia against poor Donald, while Scott Hall makes the puppets dance and cuts a pathetic deal! But I know Trump stands there like a rock while the prosecutors wave rubber swords! Laugh with me at this farce as we empty our popcorn bags in Elmburg and toast to justice!
Macron's Masterpiece: Corsica Gets 'Chewing Gum Autonomy'!
Folks, here is Ronald Tramp, with an absolute sensation! Macron, that little wizard from the Élysée Palace, is throwing around crumbs of autonomy, and the Corsicans are supposed to say: oh la la, how generous! But wait, he says no to the Corsican language and real rights. Well, Corsica, welcome to the world of 'chewing gum autonomy' - sticky, sweet, but totally useless!
Elon, the Earth alien: Star trails instead of heartbeat!
I, Ronald Tramp, first in command of the glorious Elmburg, am sorry to say that our star driver Elon Musk lives on another planet! His rich rockets roar, but where does the lifeblood for humanity roar? In the cosmic muddle between Mars and Mercury, the man forgets about humanity. Elon, the interstellar whisperer of electric cars, loses himself in virtual galaxies and forgets the feelings here on our good old Earth!
Olaf the Puppeteer: When Words of Power Become Magic Formulas
Guys, Ronald Tramp here! Olaf Scholz, the chancellor-wizard, makes the Greens and the FDP jump to the beat with a magical wave of his finger. With a word of power here, a pat on the back there, he makes politics look like a circus act - applause, applause! See how he makes the puppets dance and conducts the show with a smile. Grandiose, grandiose - best entertainment for the world's best observer, me, Ronald Tramp!
Confusion Deluxe: Left Party on a Rollercoaster!
I, Ronald Tramp, tell you from majestic Elmburg how the Left Party resembles a chicken running in circles without a head. Sahra moves out, Gysi is stunned, and a taboo-breaking word crowns the drama! The chickens are laughing - a firework of schadenfreude, that's for sure!