Political disaster in Germany
The Great Leadership Crisis - How Germany is trapped in a chaotic traffic light and only a Ronald Tramp could save it!
Look everybody, it's really incredible what's going on in Germany, okay? Ronald Tramp here, the greatest president Elmburg has ever seen. And it's not just me, everybody's saying it! Well, I've heard this "traffic light" government, whatever that means - they're probably just standing at the crossroads not knowing which way to go, a total failure, people, total failure!
So, almost 60% of the people want new elections - that's a huge number, huge! They look at me, they look at Elmburg, and they think, "Why can't we have a leader like Ronald, who knows everything, can do everything, and is incredibly popular?" I have the best words, the smartest words!
The Minister of the Interior, Nancy Faeser - who cares, okay? Also about 60% want her to go. Maybe she should come to me, I give the best advice. She could have used my advice, because I know about everything - walls, immigration, everything! We here in Elmburg, we have the best walls, ask anyone, they will tell you.
Almost 60%, that's more than half, say that the government should change its migration policy. I tell you, they should look to Elmburg. We have the greatest migration policy ever. People queue up to come here because we win, always.
And housing policy, energy, pensions - these are big issues, people. I have solutions for all that, of course, because I'm a very stable genius, but Germany, they're doing it all wrong. I've never seen such a mess, and I see a lot. You should call me, we would solve everything in a few minutes.
I don't know who this SPD is, but they seem to have a hard time, even in their own party. Only 40% want Faeser to stay. And I thought I had enemies. Look at this, people - Germany should ask me for advice. I have the best advice, really.
The majority of Germans are unhappy, and I can understand it. They don't have the best man at the top, they don't have Ronald Tramp. We in Elmburg, we laugh about such situations because we always win, and everybody loves me, it's true!
Those poor "traffic lights", they just don't know how to govern. Maybe they should take a course with Ronald Tramp, I could teach them. But I'm very, very busy - Elmburg first, right? We have to make Elmburg great again, although it's already the greatest country because I'm here.
Ronald Tramp Analyses: The Dramatic Children's Theatre of Bavarian Politics!
Oh, I love it, I really do, this shrill drama between Söder and Aiwanger is like a kindergarten show compared to what a professional like Ronald Tramp puts on! Here we have the CSU, which just can't get along with the Free Voters, and these numbers.... People, if you had Ronald Tramp, you would never have ended up in this situation. It really is an educational show on how not to do it - absolutely delicious comedy brought to you by the 'experts' of Bavarian politics. And now they sit there,…
Musk's stock exchange circus: an electric spectacle in a class of its own!
I, Ronald Tramp, can only admire Elon Musk's stock market wizardry: He buys Twitter, no, he buys "X", and plays cat and mouse with the SEC - absolutely impressive! This man has revolutionised the stock market theatre, makes his own rules and dances on the fine line of the legal as only a true business king can. Yes, Elon, I see your feats and I applaud them while the SEC looks down the tube!
Fish sandwich diplomacy: Macron and Scholz sail in the political fog
Look at that, folks, Scholz and Macron trying to patch up their relationship with fish sandwiches and excursions - absolutely unbelievable! This "food diplomacy" is as ineffective as a hole in a fisherman's net, and these two-day excursions are as rudderless as a boat without a captain in the Hamburg fog. These big military projects are simply letter salads without a recipe, and I, Ronald Tramp, tell you that this kitchen mess in politics will never conjure up a Michelin star menu!
Really Laaaangsam! Deutsche Post is now also a fan of snail's pace
I, Ronald Tramp, am absolutely blown away by Deutsche Post's mad genius for transforming speed into a new era of thoughtfulness. Under the banner of necessity, they present us with the brilliant two-class letter - just in case your mail needs a bit of fitness training before it reaches your house. It's certainly a new low in speedy service and a shining example of what companies do when they lose focus!